Penis Promotion

The Penis requests a promotion and a raise for the following reasons:
has to work hard
has to work at great depths
has to work upside down
has no ventilation or air-conditioned environment at work
has to work in a high humidity environment
has to work at high temperatures
does not get weekends and holidays off
does not get time off after extra hours of work
has a hazardous work environment that often causes professional sickness

Request denied for the following reasons:
does not work eight hours in a row
does not answer immediately to all requests
after a short activity period, falls asleep at work
shows no fidelity to the workplace
retires too early
does not work at all unless pushed from behind
does not leave the workplace clean after finishing work
sometimes leaves work, too early

Q: Why is sex like a game of bridge?
A: You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.
Q: Why do women fake orgasms?
A: Because they think men care.

“Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you get between the right man and the right woman.”

There were two old maid sisters, both virgins. It was Friday night and Gladys looked at Betty and said, "I'm not going to die a virgin ... I'm going out and I'm not coming home 'til I've been laid!"
Betty said, "Well, make sure you're home by 10 so I don't worry about you."

10 o'clock rolled around and no sign of Gladys ... 11 o'clock ... 12 o'clock ...

Finally, about 15 after one the front door flew open. In ran Gladys ... straight to the bathroom.

Betty knocked on the door, "Are you okay, Gladys?"

No answer, so she opened the door and there sat Gladys with her panties around her ankles, legs spread, and her head stuck between her legs looking at herself.

"What is it, Gladys? What's wrong?" asked Betty.

"Betty, it was 10 inches long when it went in ... and five when it came out. When I find the other half, you're gonna have the time of your life!"