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Highlights from the world of sex. Last week in a featured piece we told you about England's laws against homosexual sex acts, and how after more than 100 years on the books they're finally going the way of the dodo and "Fantasy Island," relics from a more retarded age that had worn out their welcome.  Well, it's disappointing and not a bit surprising to discover that the U.S. legislature doesn't have the bollocks to tackle this issue, not at least for a decade or so, if then. But the beauty of the American system of government lies in its three distinct branches, and this week the judicial branch, in the form of the Supreme Court, will begin mulling the constitutionality of laws forbidding sodomy and "unusual" sex acts in individual states.Of course, the ugliness of the system is that its wisdom and efficiency (!) is no guarantor of intelligent public policy (a quick gander at our asinine drug war reveals this truth). A mere fifteen years ago, the court ruled 5-4 that homosexuals had no constitutional right to engage in buggery 'n' blow jobs, and there is little that would indicate that the present court is any more socially progressive. Currently, nine states uphold a ban on sodomy: Florida, Idaho, Louisiana, Utah, North Carolina, South Carolina, Alabama, Virginia, Texas, Missouri, Oklahoma and Kansas. In the case of the last four, the ban only applies to homosexuals. Gay and civil rights advocates like the Human Rights Campaign plan to argue that in these latter states, singling out homosexuals for acts that are considered aberrant in heterosexuals as well is tantamount to persecution. Also, civil rights groups are expected to assert the government has no business prying into people's bedrooms, regardless of sexual orientation.  At issue is the case of Lawrence v. Texas, wherein police, responding to a false report (always a shady law enforcement defense tactic), entered the apartment of a gay man and discovered him playing a little hide the nightstick with his buddy. Their delicate sensibilities offended to the core, the officers had no choice but to arrest the men in accordance to a 28-year-old Texas law forbidding same-sex intercourse (lest you dildo-clad dyke girls get any ideas).That law's a relative baby in comparison to the bulk of the states listed, in particularly Louisiana, which recently proudly upheld 198-year-old ban on all anal and oral sex, be ye fairy, fellow, fish or fowl. Other states' sodomy laws are as old as a hundred years or more. By the way, just in case you're unclear on the definition of sodomy, basically it's anything outside of what the sex-positive crowd likes to call "P-V" (penis-vagina) sex —this would include anal, oral, skullfucking, armpit action and that really cool trick where you run duct tape across a girl's areolas and jam yer man-root into her tit crack until you pop volcanic spuzz all over her yap. The Bush/bin Laden connection… literally For more on the subject of illegal sex acts and the men who love them, we turn now to the continent of Australia, which as a former prison colony of Her Majesty has seen its share of buggery, eh?  Still, apparently depiction of such acts being perpetrated by Photoshopped effigies of world leaders stirs up some controversy in the land down under, where women glow and men plunder. Mmmmm, vegemite…A shopper was browsing through the popular Riverside Markets in Brisbane over the weekend and was offended by a t-shirt upon which was emblazoned an obscene image of U.S. President Bush and international celebrity Osama bin Laden. We assume that it's a doctored image of Bush "taking one for the team" while getting bent over by bad boy bin Laden. The image has been widely proliferated over the internet for months. The consumer complained to authorities, who spoke to the vendor before confiscating the offending outerwear. If you haven't seen the image, you need to get out less often and stare at your PC screen for hours on end, shunning all human contact. It's fuckin' hilarious, even if it's slightly more sophomoric than Mad magazine's send-up of American Pie.
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