|
|
|
erotica  fictiongallerylifestyles fetishbdsmqueer/bi/transswingersfeatures news briefsarticlessexy spreadseros bits sound offtriviasexfessionsreviewsevents sf archiveslondon archiveslos angeles archivesnew york archiveslas vegas archivesinternational calendareros photo classified ads about eros ezine daily cartoon select different zine:
|
I have hepatitis C, a chronic, degenerative disease that affects the liver. It can lead to liver failure, cirrhosis of the liver or liver cancer. Liver problems are pretty inevitable and can begin anywhere from ten to twenty years after contracting the disease. But, liver destruction aside, hepatitis C can be quite a disability. Some of the more common side effects are chronic fatigue, depression and debilitating joint pain. Currently, there is no cure for hepatitis C. There is interferon treatment, which is successful for some, but a long, debilitating process in itself. Most likely I'm going to have it forever and as with any chronic disease this brings certain emotional issues that affect my outlook on life and relationships. Hepatitis C is passed blood-to-blood and therefore is not really a sexually transmitted disease unless blood is involved. If a woman is menstruating and her partner has cuts on his or her fingers or mouth, that can be a risk. Other STDs such as herpes sores increase the risk factor. Anal sex, bleeding gums, open cuts on fingers or genitals… these can all up your chances of getting hep C sexually. I know I'm being redundant, but this is important: hep C is transmitted when the blood of an infected person enters another person's blood stream. According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), only 1.5 percent of the long-term partners of people with hep C tests positive for the virus.  Even so, I have to tell my partners that I have hepatitis C. When I first found out I was infected, I spent a long time wondering how anyone would ever love me or want to sleep with me again. I felt disgusting and undesirable, I kept imagining tons of this hepatitis C virus (in my mind they look like sperm) wiggling their way through my bloodstream.For a few weeks I didn't think I would be able to enjoy a healthy, active sex life again. The first time I tried to have sex after I was diagnosed, it was a disaster. I met this writer who was in town. I told him about my hep C pretty much right away and explained how it was transmitted and the sex risks. We hung out all weekend. The last night he was in town he took me back to his hotel room. Then he got weird. He took sleeping pills and passed out. In the morning I asked him what that was about, that I hadn't come over for the free soap. He admitted my hep C freaked him out. First I was amazed that he thought I might actually sleep with him without a condom, second, I was pissed that he wasted my time. And honestly, I felt like shit. I felt dirty and unfuckable. The next guy was also freaked out by my hep C. He didn't want to watch me get sick or have to take care of me. Personally, the fact that he was worried about something that may or may not happen years down the road freaked me out. That relationship didn't last long. I actually thought that I might have to be celibate in order to avoid telling too many people what was wrong with me. Of course, that didn't last long, but unfortunately now a few other things have happened that have made my sex life sometimes suck. For one, sometimes I am too tired to have sex. Chronic fatigue is a much more serious problem then I had ever imagined. I never thought that I would actually prefer falling asleep to having sex. But for me, the joint pain is the worst part. My fingers and legs sometimes hurt so badly I cannot do anything. I can't imagine being touched or touching anyone. I'm simply in too much pain to have sex or even to masturbate. Holding a vibrator is often too painful. Imagine not being able to masturbate because your hands hurt too bad to hold a sex toy. The whole notion of "solo sex" is being able to give yourself sexual pleasure, if I have to have someone else hold my vibrator then it sort of detracts from my independence and private time with myself. Hepatitis C affects all people differently and it's unfair to say otherwise. I'm in my late twenties, yet my body feels like I'm old —really, really old. The thought of having these problems for the rest of my life is incredibly depressing. Yet learning how to live with a disability is part of having one. And I'm not always in so much pain. The pain comes and goes in waves and I can predict that I will get tired easier or earlier then other people. I'm learning how to set up my sex life to go with the ups and downs of the disease. And luckily, I now have a partner who totally understands and loves me no matter what. I don't know if I'm going to be physically able to enjoy things the way I used to; the only thing I know is that unless someone comes up with a cure, my hepatitis is not going away. 
|
|
|
 |
|