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 Is there such a thing as too long? He Said: I can't imagine anything more aggravating than being in the heat of a sexual moment, just to have your partner complain about the duration of the event. Or maybe it's more subtle than that. You're pumping away like one of those little plastic automaton birds that constantly dips its beak into water, and you notice your partner's concentration slip. Maybe it's a sigh, or a shifting pair of eyes, or god forbid, a glance at the clock. Ouch. What the hell is a guy supposed to do when this happens? Roll over and turn on the TV? I mean, I've never had blue balls, but from what I've heard it's slightly less comfortable than a kick in the nuts. Again, ouch. Girls need to understand that sex in the male of the species is a sweaty, primal act. Every time we get in there, it's like we're William Hurt in Altered States, de-evolving into a snarling beast with a ferocious and incorrigible hard-on. It's not like you can turn it on and off by smacking your hands together like a light hooked to the Clapper. I remember one time I was with this girl who I'd been dying to fuck for ages. I finally whined my way into her pants, and I was on top of the world. But I didn't want to be a spaz, so I took my time and concentrated on some tasty foreplay. I played with her pussy until my hand was wrinkled from her juices, as if I'd spent three hours in a hot tub and then washed some dishes. Then I proceeded to go down on her so long that afterwards I had to buy my chiropractor a yacht to get my neck fixed.
Well, after about an hour of this, it starts to happen. No more pants of passion, no more glorious grunts or heavenly moans of delight. Nope, none of that crap. I was so hurt that I was forced to sneak over to the bathroom and finish myself with one of her Victoria's Secret catalogs. Oh, the shame. Would it have killed her to just lay there a bit more until the deed was done? Had I not proven myself worthy? Did I not deserve my shot at the gold? Sigh ... (By the way, this in no way involves the word "no." Guys, don't be a jerkoff. When she says no, do the right thing and head to the bathroom.) She Said: I'm a busy girl. I always have work to do and while I love having sex, sometimes I don't need it to be a huge ordeal. Sometimes I can skip the foreplay, go straight to the main event, and be out of bed before he's figured out a place to throw the condom. Don't get me wrong—it's not always like this, especially lately because I have the best lover of my life, who also happens to be the love of my life. With him I can often spend all day just lying in bed cuddling. But, even with him, if I've got an impending deadline and am stressed, I'd much prefer a hot and steamy quickie. What I hate the most are guys who feel like they have to complete each step. You can usually tell. I hate when guys, or girls, assume that just because I'm a girl I want to be cuddled after. Most of the time, I either want to go to sleep or go do something else. But the worst is when the deed itself is never ending. Guess what guys? Sex can get boring. I can't even count how many times I've thought to myself "come on already, fucking hurry up and come." I know I have a short attention span, but an hour of anything can get dull. Most guys pride themselves on staying power, but sometimes it makes girls feel like they're not that great in bed if they don't make their partner come really quick. I'm also selfish. I can usually come pretty quick—more than once. Sometimes when I've had three or four orgasms I'm pretty sensitive and I'm done, but he's not. I try to be polite, but I must confess that I have let out a "Can't you hurry up?" or "Are you done yet?" I'm not trying to be mean, but once in a while frustration wins out. Guys, here's some advice… watch for clues. If she starts to seem bored, she probably is; speed it up or get off. If you're not sure, you can tactfully say, "I want to make you come." If she tells you not to worry about it you should probably bring your session to an end. You might be surprised to find out she has already come and is just waiting on you. And for god's sake, don't take it personally. You'll never know everything that's on her mind, so don't overanalyze or look too deep. Maybe she's just tired. If you're the type of guy that has to have four-hour fuck-a-thons and she's sneaking glances at her watch after 20 minutes, you may want to re-evaluate the relationship. Some people simply aren't compatible and sex is an important part of any relationship.
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