The search for sexual prowess has led to some friggin' bizarre "aphrodisiacs," such as the consumption of human menses, placenta and genitals. One Chinese recipe calls for the cream-of-some-young-guy mixed with hawk or eagle dung.
Chinese eunuchs believed they could regenerate their lost sexual organs by eating the warm brains of freshly decapitated criminals.
In the world of macabre love charms, Ireland's amorous young girls win first prize. The legend goes that a narrow strip of skin removed from a less than nine-day-old corpse (taken as one cut from the top of the head to the bottom of a foot) could be tied into a knot and wound around the arm or leg of a sleeping male lover. As long as the skin-charm was applied every night and then removed before said lover awoke, her man would continue to love her.
 In April 1790, Londonite James Trotter sired three illegitimate children. The Parish Council, apparently resenting the three consecutive new mouths to feed, decided to have the man taken by force and castrated without anesthetic by the local pig-butcher. Talk about medieval contraception… yeesh.
Where haven't men tried sticking their johnsons? We've all heard the vacuum cleaner stories, but one such man put his dick into the sucking end of a vacuum and got all his penile skin sucked off. Other masturbation whoopsies include a man by the name of Mantegazza getting stuck in his bayonet tube, and another man who became one with the faucet on his bathtub. Obviously, these methods for getting off are not recommended.
 In Balzac's "Catechisme conjugal," he suggests that, "No man should marry before he has studied anatomy and dissected the body of a woman." Uh, yeah. Take it from a guy whose name rhymes with "ball sac."
One of the most famous transvestites in history was Chevalier d'Eon de Beaumont, a diplomat in service to Louis XV. He lived to the age of 83, having spent 49 years as a man and 34 as a woman. |
Top Ten New Year's Resolutions
10. Get in touch with your spiritual side through tantra and yoga.
9. Figure out what the phrase, "I only read it for the articles" means.
8. Give up cigarettes for sprigs of parsley.
7. Give up whiskey for wheatgrass.
6. Stop dating people more insane than yourself.
5. Renew all restraining orders.
4. Expect more for yourself, while forgiving your shortcomings.
3. Try to understand the people who are closest to you —literally and figuratively.
2. Practice safer sex.
1. Love thy neighbor. Often. |
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