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Teagan Presley: Photo spread and interview with one of Digital Playground's hottest starlets. More»
1-07-2003



If you've ever wondered what life is like in a brothel, HBO is here to fill in the blanks for you. Following in the footsteps of other HBO reality documentaries such as Taxicab Confessions, Cathouse brings its viewers into the daily lives of real working girls through a multitude of hidden cameras in the bedrooms of the Moonlight Bunny Ranch. Here, for the right price, anyone can fulfill his or her hottest porn star sex fantasies safely, cleanly, legally, and all in about the time it takes to get your dry cleaning done.

Cathouse gives you a peek at the average working girl's day, from the line-up in the parlor and bedroom negotiations to post-coitus reviews and commentaries from both the clientele and the women of the Ranch. In fact, you see just about every aspect of the deal except the actual nookie. As owner Denis Hof puts it, "It's a party, it's a spring break party, 24-7, 365, that's what the Bunny Ranch is... it's not just sex —it's an adventure." Each working girl must be "an escort of one," I guess.

So I have to admit, when I first heard about this show, visions as repugnant as Fox's wannabe Celebrity Boxing and Who Wants to Marry the Guy Who Twenty Greedy Deluded Women Think is a Millionaire but in Reality is a Poorly Paid Construction Worker came floating uninvited through my head. But by the middle of the show, I found myself amused by the situations these girls go through every day. By the end of the show, I was amazed. For example, I never would've dreamed that the best pros pull in upwards of $200,000 a year plus medical and dental, no Master's in sexology required. Or that some of the working girls have husbands and little ones at home.

You'll also meet other employees of the Ranch, like Suzette, the granddame who manages to time each of the girls' sessions down to the minute while fielding calls from potential new employees and new clients with questions. She not only clock-watches, she schedules each girl's workweek, does the paperwork for final negotiations with each client, and somehow also finds the time to throw a weekly tea party (complete with negligees and goofy hats) for the employees.

Everything in the show is real because, in Linda Tripp-esque fashion, no one realizes they're being recorded until Suzette bursts in post-session and reveals the camera naughtiness while brandishing an HBO waiver… seems kind of subterfuge to me, but obviously a few folks agreed to being "caught on tape" for the world. Otherwise, there just wouldn't be a show for me to review. Here's a breakdown of the clients who signed their lives away to HBO and their encounters.

An Anniversary to Remember
It's their anniversary, so what the heck! This husband and wife team decides to celebrate their marital bliss by breaking out the bubbly, the strap-on, and a gal by the name of Heather (Heather sold separately). While it's obvious that Suzette's HBO camera confession gets his proverbial panties in quite the wad, his wife points out that it's an anniversary to remember, so why not? Thus, the mulleted husband and wife team go down in history (literally), sharing their love with the nation for at least a month in syndication.

Mother Knows Best
Talk about having a hip mother! This mom bought her son's first time. We all know that there is nothing wrong with this, but her need to control every aspect was a little off-putting. Especially while mom's sitting on the bed, making the negotiation "to party" and pulling a cool grand out of her wallet while a hot blonde grinds on her twenty-something son and licks his nose. We also learn that this is a time-honored family deflowering tradition, because mom reveals that she's treated each of his older brothers to a hot time in the old corral as well. All I can say is, okay, fine. He doesn't want to or can't get experience on his own, but for the love of god, if you have to reign over every fucking aspect of his personal life, at least let him go into the Ranch to make the negotiation on his own, will ya? Freud would have a field day with this one.

The Odd Couple
While I'd like to say this one brought about feelings of warm fuzzies, I can't. The husband explains that "they" felt "they" wanted to add spice to "their" sex life by him going to visit the Ranch. Meanwhile, the wife explains that she finally agreed "he could go if she could go and have a girl, too." Well, after all, fair is fair. So hubbie goes off with Airforce Amy (a former airbase ground defense instructor cum porn star), and wifey goes off with escort Karla. It's actually a funny moment when they break off to separate bedrooms and Amy asks the man, "So does your wife have any experience with women?" and he shakes his head with a resounding "No." Meanwhile, Karla asks the wife the same thing, and gets a confident smile and a nod, "In college." The post-session interview results in the man saying he had a "pleasant experience" as Karla in the next room tells the camera in hushed tones, "She says it was the best orgasm of her life!" Ouch, dude.

The Pimp Mack Daddy
You knew there just had to be one somewhere in the show. This one shows up trying to entice Deanna away from the Ranch under the guise of being able to make her more money. While it's obvious she is trying not to laugh in his face, she sweetly goes about her business, continuing to steer him back to the negotiation part of the deal. Amusingly, he feels that as a longtime friend of Bunny Ranch owner Hof, he should be given a discount and a chance to sample her wares. Meanwhile, we as the audience wonder how good a friend he'll be when Denis watches this video. Nevertheless, Deanna informs him that she makes over $200,000 a year working whenever she wants, plus medical and dental benefits. When pimp daddy hears this, he stops in his tracks for a moment, staggered, then continues his aggressive sales pitch. Businesswoman at heart, she fulfills her end of the deal sans discount and stays put where the money's good. Don't blame her one bit!

Brotherly Love
This part of the show wins First Place in Creep Factor for me, because it brings brotherly love to a whole new level it doesn't need to go to. At least in the mom/son deal, mom had sense enough to leave the room when it came time for lights, camera, action. But holy shit, there is just no sexual act on the face of this earth that I would care to share with any of my second cousins twice removed, let alone an immediate blood relative like a brother. Yeesh. But apparently these two are so close that they share an affinity for watching porn together and co-admiring Sunset Thomas. Sadly, when Thomas tells them it'll be $3000 to party for an hour, they guffaw. Turns out the brothers can only afford to watch Sunset masturbate. All I can say is, I want that 10 minutes of TV time back along with my faith in humanity. Yuck.

Like a Virgin

Rather than continuing to take matters into his own hands, this 19-year-old decides to save up the dough to get himself deflowered by a pro. It's actually pretty straightforward, outside of the initial sneaking suspicion that the young buck might not actually be 19. Ah, but Madame Suzette swoops in to save the day and checks his I.D. Yup, he's legal. What mom couldn't admire the ingénue of this plan: save up enough money to get sexual experience and feel more confident with the ladies. Well, on second thought, a lot of moms would probably rather scrub the men's bathroom at Arco with their tongue than see their son paying to be deflowered in a brothel on HBO, but that's beside the point. Mission accomplished, boy leaves a Man. (ooo-rah!) "These pipes… are clean!"

Lonely in Las Vegas

This scene is, dare I say it, touching. An old man explains that he is a widower of two years and, while he has been trying to date, the dating scene is difficult for someone his age. All he wants is to be with a woman again, to be held, etc. And while we have to take into consideration the possibility that he could be totally full of it up to his eyeballs and simply trying to gain sympathy, Deanna decides to treat him to an hour of sweet lovin' down by the fire. And it's true, as he leaves the brothel there is a sparkle in his eye and distinctly happier note in his step. Aww…

If you'd like to know more about the Moonlight Bunny Ranch, you can check out their website at www.bunnyranch.net or call 1-888-BUNNYRANCH. Coincidentally, you can also check out Moonlight Bunny Ranch ads, such as Airforce Amy, on our Eros-Guide Reno and Las Vegas sites.

Eros Poll
 Which of these scenes most piqued your interest?
An Anniversary to Remember
Mother Knows Best
The Odd Couple
Pimp Mack Daddy
Brotherly Love
Like a Virgin
Lonely in Las Vegas

View results

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