A few weeks' back I was going Christmas shopping with a girl I had dated last summer when she asked me what I wanted her to get me for the holidays.

Knowing the girl was making about ten cents more than a third world teenager making shoes for Wal-Mart, I decided to make it easy on her and aim low on the price scale. We were walking past a bookstore when I noticed what I consider to be one of the greatest editions ever issued by a periodical —the December Maxim with pop star Christina Aguilera on the cover.

Aguilera, in promoting her new record, Stripped, has truly raised the bar in terms of pop tartdom. Begun innocently enough by former fresh-faced ingénue Mariah Carey a few years back, the phenomenon of female pop singers tarting up their image had since been riffed upon by the likes of Aguilera rival Britney Spears, and more recently by former teen country star Leann Rimes (seen in a recent video bending over a banister in a sheer dress cut up the side).

But Christina, beginning with the video for the first single off the record, "Dirrrty," has indulged in a porn-esque image that is off the pop tart scale. The former Mouseketeer is seen grinding against everything in sight, with her ass hanging out of skimpy red bikini underwear. Was it my imagination, or did I even see her rubbing her pussy through those panties? Oh my…

She managed to upset British audiences when she appeared on the show CD:UK wearing the outfit seen on the cover of Stripped —basically, a bra, panties (emblazoned with "NASTY" on the ass side), and chaps. She was subsequently asked to tone it down after the show received multiple complaints.

Then there's the Maxim piece. The men's magazine walks a fine line between sexy and revealing when featuring female stars, and in its Aguilera piece, that line is blurred almost to extinction. The pop star appears in a couple of photos taken in the water in a white thong, taken from opposing angles. In one photo, you can see her entire ass; in another, her legs are spread and you can see her pubic mound so clearly that you can almost see the outline of a clit ring.

I think this is great, so I tell my friend to buy me the mag for Christmas, much to her chagrin. It's a cheap gift, though, so she can't really refuse. Still, she's embarrassed as hell to buy it, and sure enough the girl behind the counter can't resist a comment or two.

Now, for some perspective, this is the kind of girl who will flirt with the cute counter chick at the local sex toy shop and talk about how hot Drea De Matteo (from The Sopranos) is while buying a pocket rocket.

"So what's the problem?" I ask.

"I don't know, she's so cheap and obvious," she says about Christina. "She's just trying so hard."

"And that's a bad thing… how?" She thinks I'm trying to bait her, but I'm honestly confused and having trouble triangulating her criteria.

"Yes, it is," she replies, but is scant on details.

She admits that the criteria is awfully subjective, but yet it seems to be echoed by every girl I've spoken with in regards to the Aguilera issue, regardless of said girl's sexual orientation. I only spoke with one bi girl who didn't completely rail against the singer's display as if personally offended by it.

Meanwhile, straight guys can't get enough of it, heaping the highest praise on both the mag and its subject. How can this be?

Well, when it comes to bi/lesbian reaction vs. straight male reaction, I can only offer two possible explanations:

A) Bi and lesbian girls filter their estimation of other girls' attractiveness through their own experience as girls. All girls know how to work the lowest common denominator to get noticed, and "sinking" to that level is considered a cheap and easy tactic, and therefore frowned upon. Even a so-called "slutty" look, apparently, needn't pander to base and overly obvious levels. I guess.

B) Men are simple, stupid animals who often react to images on a cartoonishly primal level. Either we are unsaddled by the baggage mentioned above, or we are easily and slavishly manipulated by the most obvious attempts. (And please don't mention non-Maxim readers as an option —I'm talking about real, beer-swilling, porn-lovin' men, who, like their Sapphic counterparts, are perfectly comfortable objectifying women without fear of Protestant/Catholic guilt complex.)