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 When you hear the term "swinging," or "swingers," what images pop into your head? Maybe it's a bad Austin Powers reference. Maybe it's a highly overrated Vince Vaughn film. Or maybe, worse yet, it's the slightly musty image of bad '70s key parties, where couples would swap partners in a ritual that was more social experiment than sexy impulse.  As alternative subcultures, particularly ones of a sexual nature, have popped up on the (mostly metropolitan) landscape, many age-old issues have been brought to bear; can people be truly happy with just one sexual/romantic partner? What if they aren't? Does that make them "bad"?Well, given a person can overcome that last little issue (which is much easier said than done, especially for people straddled with religiously tinged guilt issues), and he or she has decided that a life of monogamy is not for them, how does that person navigate such a life? Are there any rules? If so, what the hell are they? When the non-monogamists of this generation looked back in time for a reference or role models, the pickin's were mighty slim. The movement closest to their ethos was that of swingers of decades past. But the associations that the word itself bubbled up were in fact quite silly. The fact is that, whether it's true or false, the perception of swingers past were of polyester-clad suburbanites secretly indulging in a decadent symbol of status somewhat akin to today's suburban SUV. Not exactly the philosophy of this new generation of proud perverts.  So instead, this new breed embraced the term "polyamory," which of course means loving more than one. And though the word "loving" can mean many different things, obviously the inference is for one person to be involved with any number of people. And, unlike swingers of old, the twist with polyamory is that polyamorists engage not just in random or semi-random trysts, but sometimes in ongoing relationships.Clearly this is tricky territory. Even avowed polyamorists deal constantly with issues of jealousy—just because intellectually one can adopt a philosophy with genuine intentions, actually living it and dealing with the sticky matters of the heart that result is another issue altogether. In this lifestyle, you constantly run the double risk of not only getting hurt, but unintentionally hurting someone you get involved with. In generations past, swingers didn't have much of a compass by which they could navigate their alternative lifestyle. But in this age of information, polyamorists have had it a bit easier. One invaluable resource in charting a polyamorous path has been the book The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities (Greenery Press) by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt. Easton and Liszt outline the steps that make polyamory… well, not necessarily easy, but definitely easier. Basic guidelines like establishing a primary partner, drawing up a basic framework of acceptable behavior within that relationship, and fundamental ways of respecting this person's feelings (and the feelings of any who might get involved) can help make non-monogamy a little less like being a circus acrobat without a safety net. And of course there are plenty of online resources for the sophisticated slut. There's www.polyamory.org, www.polyamorysociety.org, and www.lovemore.com. All provide FAQs and information for those who can't get enough of that lovin' stuff. The idea of being a "slut," or a sexually active person, and still maintaining a code of ethics (no matter how far afield this might be from typically accepted codes), is still pretty new territory. Whether polyamorists are taking non-monogamy to places it's never been, or they've just adopted a lifestyle that has existed in one form or another throughout history, it's a challenge that contains mighty risks, and even sometimes mightier payoffs.
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