|
|
|
erotica  fictiongallerylifestyles fetishbdsmqueer/bi/transswingersfeatures news briefsarticlessexy spreadseros bits sound offtriviasexfessionsreviewsevents sf archiveslondon archiveslos angeles archivesnew york archiveslas vegas archivesinternational calendareros photo classified ads about eros ezine daily cartoon select different zine:
|
 A more perverted Tales of the City meets a kinkier Sex in the City in our newest bimonthly column. Real people, real experiences, real viewpoints… "Of all perversions, abstinence is the strangest." -Simone de Beauvoir Alright, I'll be totally honest. I am probably one of the most boring "sex" people in San Francisco. I have a monogamous partner; we do not have an open relationship, and I don't go out. I work a lot. I used to have a drug problem so I am afraid of going out places, and truthfully, pretty bored when I do go out; going to bars when you can't drink, or worse yet, when you can't shoot smack in the bathroom, really sucks.  And I never go to sex parties. Even when I wasn't in a monogamous relationship, I never went to sex parties. Simply because I don't want to; I don't want to have sex in front of other people or watch other people have sex. And I will admit to having a morbid curiosity about watching people I know have sex. I do wonder how they are in bed, more than I wonder how the guy or girl sitting across from me on BART is in bed, but after that smidgen of wondering stops, I revert back to my usual stance on watching my friends or colleagues have sex —fear mixed with a slight degree of loathing.And I know that's not sex positive of me to say, but that brings me to something that I really do want to talk about, and that is sex positivity in general. Given my position in the sex "scene" in San Francisco, the fact that I write, edit and read erotica, the fact that I am out about my bisexuality and just about everything else in the world makes you think that I should be going to sex parties, or at least having more sex. But the fact that I don't do any of that could actually be seen as a perversion or kink in itself. Lots of other people are going, others have open relationships, practice BDSM, and have sex in public, so doesn't that make me the different one? (Just imagine if I were celibate; now that would be really kinky.) And isn't being sex-positive all about accepting people's perversions? Following this line of thinking, you would assume that I would be accepted, possibly even esteemed for this. But I'm not.  In fact, I've been told that people think I'm a snob. That I shouldn't be writing about sex if I'm not going to go out and be a slut. So people in San Francisco defend and stand up for plushophiles, scat lovers, water sport practitioners, strippers, and whores before they would stand up for me: a bisexual, monogamous woman who just happens to be in love and not want to fuck anyone else, thank you very much.I'm the first to defend all of those people myself. Fetishes do more than merely peak my curiosity, reading SM stories gets me wet, I like watching strippers as much as the next girl, and I'm glad that women have the opportunity to make money and support themselves without selling their souls at Starbucks by being whores. But in my opinion, sex positivity has, in some cases, gone too far. We should be able to say that something offends us or that we don't like something. If watching a Japanese puke movie isn't your thing, and you find it totally gross, shouldn't you be allowed to express that opinion without people jumping down your throat about not being sex positive? Or if fat girls don't turn you on, should you be hated by the sex activist community for your taste and desires? Why can't we be okay with the fact that some people don't like some things? And why can someone say something about me not getting sexually involved with a million people, but I can't say that I think shitting on someone's face is kind of icky. How is it that in that example I am the one not being sex positive? If San Franciscans were really as sex positive as we say we are, then we would be positive about everyone's sexual choices. Just because someone isn't jumping into the orgy doesn't mean they have anything against it. It doesn't even mean that they might not want to. It just means that they don't want to, for whatever reason, at that time. They are practicing one of the few things that we all seem to agree on —sex should always be consensual. So when I think about sex in San Francisco, which is one of the few things I do think about every day, sometimes all day, the term "sex positive" comes to mind. And when I think about the one thing I want to improve about sex in San Francisco, that same term pops up. 
|
|
|
 |
|