Belgium approves same sex marriages

It's nice to see that freedom thrives in the world, especially in times of terror and war.

Too bad it's not happening in the U.S., which touts itself as the guiding light of liberty. Yeah, right.

In Europe, however, people really do love freedom, and it's not just hollow rhetoric. They're actually proving it where it counts, in the letter of the law.

For instance, Belgium last week joined the Netherlands as the only countries to accept same sex marriages as legitimate unions, complete with most of the rights and benefits afforded heterosexual couples, with the exception of adopting children.

The Belgian parliament overwhelmingly approved the law, with 91 deputies approving, 22 voting against, and nine abstaining.

"We are very happy that this law has been passed," Anke Hintjens of the Federation of Gay and Lesbian Associations of Flanders said.

Even officials with the government came out in support of the new initiative, recognizing that common citizens' attitudes had adopted with the times, and the nation's law should reflect those shifts in perception.

"Mentalities have changed. There is no longer any reason not to open it to people of the same sex," said Justice Minister Marc Verwilghen in a debate argued before the vote.

Could you imagine Verwilghen's American equivalent, Attorney General John Ashcroft, speaking so enlighteningly about such a progressive, controversial subject? Sure, maybe after a nice peyote dinner, but other than that…

They're dead sexy!

Well, Fat Bastard may not be a great testament to the sexiness of the Scottish people, but his accent sure fits the bill, according to a recent UK poll.

When asked which UK accent most excited them, 40 percent of those questioned said the sharp brogue of those in the land of the haggis did the trick. I'm sure most we're thinking Ewan McGregor and Sean Connery (or even Aussie Mel Gibson in his Braveheart kilt, perish the thought).

But don't rule out the Irish, who came in a close second with 39 percent. (Why is it that the accents of subjugated British colonies should be so appealing? I guess all those centuries of being under the thumb of English rule has given them "character.")

Not so fortunate were the Brummies of West Midlands, who failed to make the top ten of the list. West Midlanders proved to be somewhat lacking in the romance department as well, with one in five stating that love was just another form of lust, and four in 10 admitting to infidelity with their partners.

Evidently, Cupid best not cast any arrows in Coventry, lest he risk a good, solid thrashing from the punters in Willenhall. Love arrows are no match for sharp darts wielded by rat-arsed lager lout.

Of course, those slutty city folk in London town didn't fare very well in the commitment department, either, boasting the highest ratio of singles for the entire area. I mean, what's the point of living in the city if you're going to be tied down, yeah?

From Russia, with illicit lust

We always cheerfully assume that Russians will always be at least slightly behind westerners when it comes to pop culture. I mean, look at how far behind Mexico is, and it's right next door to the most culturally imperialistic nation on the planet.

Well, it looks like those bawdy Bolsheviks have one-upped our Christina Aguileras, our Britney Spears(es?), and even our Olsen twins (who have made a multimillion dollar fortune by catering to both little girls and the creepy old guys who enjoy watching them cavort on tropical islands and get into all kinds of zany, wild adventures).

In our defense, though, how the hell can you top a scantily-clad, lesbian teen pop duo singing songs of Sapphic delight? Erm, let me rephrase that for those sick bastards who responded, "I can top them very easily… "

Russian singers Tatu (which stands for "Ta lyubit tu," or "this one loves that one," but definitely not a reference to Mr. Roarke's short-statured sidekick on Fantasy Island) are teenage Russian girls who say they're lesbians. In their video for the single "All The Things She Said," Lena Katina, 17, and Julia Volkova, 18, writhe about in rain-soaked school uniforms… kissing each other… in slooooow mooooootion...

Wait, what was I saying? Oh yeah, I was gonna go into how this surely bespeaks of the end of civilization as we know it. Or something like that.

But instead, after "ruminating" over this for a bit, I'm gonna say that Tatu represents how girls in the flower of young adulthood have choices, and that role models like Lena and Julia can provide their peers with the self-confidence to hold true to their dreams, in spite of the mean and hostile world in which they live.

What these girls are really saying is, "Yes, we're hot, and we're lesbians and we're (in one case, at least) barely legal, but we can also carry a tune. Oh, did we mention we're hot, teenage lesbos?"

Sure, it's a morally repugnant message. But is it really worse than the twaddle they print in Cosmo?

Besides, I hate to inform you, but if you're looking for me to provide a moral compass in these times of Biblical trial and tribulation, you should probably get some counseling. Quick.