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 I don't watch that much reality TV anymore, I'll admit. Oh sure, there was a time not too long ago when my TV diet was liberally peppered with shows about real people doing really stupid things. Back about six months ago or so, when the whole phenomenon seemed to teeter on the brink of extinction. Back when I didn't have satellite TV. Now that I do, I have to admit a certain cultural elitism has surfaced. With the exception of Law & Order, The Simpsons, and occasionally, Futurama, rarely does the Tivo stop to linger on any form of network broadcasting. Meanwhile, the rumors of reality TV's death were premature. Since then, American Idol, Joe Millionaire (with its busty, recently outed bondage film star contestant), shit, even The Surreal Life has reaffirmed that the American public has not yet tired of the controversial genre.  But who gives a shit? The real question that should be on everyone's tongues is… has America tired of Ron Jeremy?(Or an even more relevant one—have you tired of that hackneyed segue? Yeesh… ) Well, apparently God in his Infinite Wisdom has deemed that the other Walrus of Love hasn't made enough money from his notoriety as a pudgy poster boy of porn. And for once, I might actually agree with the ol' bugger. Because if Ron had made enough moolah already, maybe he wouldn't be so goddamn unforgivably ubiquitous. Oh sure, he's charming enough in a Chuck Barris sort of way, only the Chuckster had the decency to languish in obscurity long enough for him to become interesting again. (What do I mean, again? I'm old enough to remember The Gong Show and how, brilliant as it may have been, sometimes it was like having a hornet trapped in your skull.) Nevertheless, Jeremy may have latched onto something with his latest venture, Porn Stud Search, wherein wholesome Porn Valley girls look for possible lens lotharios, looking for, as the site says, "the next Ron Jeremy." Hrrm… funny, I didn't see a potbellied, self-deprecating Jew in the bunch. But that's nitpicking. I did see a lot of jock-y looking boys long on bravado and, erm, sometimes not much else. One poor backwards-cap-wearing bastard was forced to endure the measuring tape test, revealing an intimidating three-and-a-half inches. Yikes. When the girls announce it, the guy winces, as though he hadn't realized it when he agreed to whip out his deficient dork in front of three porn chicks and what must have been a highly amused cameraperson.  Look, if you're not hung like one of those aborigines in National Geographic who have to tie their tools in a knot to get the daily chores done, it's probably best to keep it in your pants around tittering porn chicks.It's moments like these that make Porn Stud Search worthy of a peek (the subscription fee may be another story, though). It sometimes plays like a XXX Blind Date, with prospective "studs" revealing themselves to be true doofuses (doofi?). It's too bad they probably can't afford a clever writer and some graphics to do the cool pop-ups that make Blind Date so watchable. What you get instead is Uncle Ron offering his expert critique on each contestant's performance, which isn't so bad. Ron can be funny, especially when he's not trying too hard (which I guess you can say about anyone… umm, yeah… ). You can tell he revels in ranking the losers, from the guy who talks too much during a scene to the guy who breaks the cardinal rule of male porn performance by failing to keep the ol' flag flying at full mast. To his credit, Jeremy avoids looking like a completely smug asshole by enthusiastically hailing the guys who manage to get the job done like professionals. And if nothing else, Porn Stud Search serves as a sharp reminder that there's a reason Ron Jeremy's so well-known, despite his schmendricky appearance—being a porn stud is harder than it looks. And that, folks, is about as real as it gets.
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