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Something strange happened to me the other day. Usually my days are pretty normal—I come home, I write, I surf the web, eat dinner, etc, etc. But this past Sunday I went out with a new friend of mine. We went down to a café in San Francisco's North Beach district. She was pounding happy hour microbrews while I was getting jacked up on the constant flow of coca-cola caffeine. She starts veering the conversation towards sex. Now, as you may have guessed, this happens to me often—I tell people I write erotica and they tell me every detail about their sex life. I really can't complain because it adds fuel to my fire (ahem… inspiration) and keeps those stories having a more "real" appeal.  Anyway, so we're sitting there and we're drinking and she's talking and I'm listening, ready to offer up any well-thought-out advice, when all of a sudden I realize she might be hitting on me. First I should tell you she's married with a kid, and her husband is friends with my boyfriend (which is how we met). Whew. So she starts talking about how she put an ad in the paper to meet women.My mouth dropped. I mean she looked so innocent. I am dumbfounded, struck silent, and mentally willing myself to bring my chin up off the table. She is telling me about women who have answered the ad, dates she's been on, and even the lesbian baby sitter. I chug the rest of my coke, suddenly no longer feeling like an experienced sex writer, but now more like a kid who just realizes how much fun the teenagers have. My mind is reeling, my thoughts are churning and I am downing this soda like there's no tomorrow. In spite of it all I must not have really been listening. "So my husband says that if you're into it he doesn't want to know, since he's friends with your boyfriend." Now that is an out and out pick-up line. Of course I can only say the one thing on my mind, "You mean he knows?" He knows. He knows about it all, the ad, the women, the dates and me. My shock must have been mistaken for immediate acceptance, because she says, "I knew you'd be into it."  I ordered another soda.Here was a woman who I wanted to be friends with, but she wanted something more. I hadn't even thought about her that way—and why should I have? She's married with a baby, and her husband is friends with my boyfriend. If I was going to do this I would have to tell him and I knew that wouldn't go over well, not for our relationship and not for his friendship. So I decided to cool her off and changed the subject to how I was going home to see my Mom over Easter and how he was coming with me, thinking: moms are safe, Christmas is holy, and him coming is a big hint. That conversation was over quick. Naturally I ran home to read the personals… as soon as I saw it I knew it was her. I had to admit she had guts. How many women feel comfortable enough with themselves and their relationship to put an ad in the paper? She's young, cute, intelligent and definitely not desperate. She just knows what she wants, and has found the easiest way to get it. The "Women Seeking Women" section was small, even for San Francisco, but her ad made me happy. The desperate woman stigma is leaving us, a take-charge attitude has taken its place and technology will only make it more possible. Completely anonymous relationships can be established, then when safety and mutual attraction is assured, things can progress. The lonely need be lonely no more (of course one could argue that my friend isn't lonely, instead simply greedy), but the beauty is she didn't feel like she was reaching for a last resort. Sex is beautiful, dating is fun, and meeting new people is always a pleasure. If you're ever browsing through the personals and see "Cute, fun, writer looking for someone to proofread her copy," give me a call. After all, you never know. 
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