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 The Tree Hugger I've never cheated before. I've always been a serial monogamist, which is something that I'm not very proud of either. It's so tame and boring. And I was feeling particularly tame and boring when I met Gil. He was the epitome of wild and exciting… just what I was looking for! This was about two years ago, and at the time I was dating a man named Brad. He was dependable, safe and sane. And I was getting bored. I know this will sound so cliché but I had a dying oak tree in my yard and Gil was the man behind the "Tree Takers" ad in the yellow pages. All day I watched out of my bedroom window as he worked. He was tan and muscular. His eyes glowed with a crazy fervor and he laughed at everything. When he was done I invited him in for a drink. He happily accepted. It didn't take more than one drink before I was being more forward than ever before in my life. I leaned over him and plucked a twig out of his hair—when he looked up to see what I was doing I kissed him. It went from there. We had sex for about three hours. I'm not even exaggerating, I still remember his stamina. And then he left. My boyfriend came home after and probably wondered why I was so tired. He never knew and I left him a week later. I never saw Gil again. Laurel M., Anapolis, MD Of Groupies and Girlfriends I sang in a rock band for about five years and fucked different girls everywhere I went. It was great. To be honest, it was the reason I became a rock singer in the first place. The drugs and the pussy! But one of the stupidest things I ever did was to have sex with some anonymous girl groupie in the bathroom of my dressing room in my hometown while my steady girlfriend was in the audience. The groupie had probably exchanged blow jobs for access backstage, who knows. All I know is that I walked back there and she was sitting on the beat-up old couch butt naked. I'm used to girls practically throwing themselves at me but not like that. That was intense. I liked it. I knew my girlfriend was in the audience so I told the girl to go in the bathroom and I followed her. I had her bent over the sink in less than a minute. She was moaning loudly and I kept telling her to shut up but I wasn't clear enough or she just couldn't help it. My girlfriend came back there to look for me, she knows me well enough, and heard the groupie. She banged on the locked bathroom door, yelling at me to come out. I motioned to the girl and she yelled out that she wasn't in there with me. But my girlfriend's not stupid. She wasn't leaving. Since I was already busted I finished banging the chick and walked out, there was nothing else I could do. My girlfriend hit me a few times and cried. I was hoping a catfight would break out but, like I said, my girlfriend is smart, she knew I'd get off on that. Peter C., Chicago, IL A Ride To Remember One night in college me, my girlfriend and her best friend Lisa were at our off-campus apartment drinking wine, smoking pot and watching movies. Lisa was supposed to get a ride home with some friends of hers. But the friends never showed up, and before she passed out my girlfriend told me to give her a ride home. Bad idea, since we were both drunk and had flirted behind her back for weeks; she had the most perfect pair of tits I'd ever seen, and liked to show them off in tight tank tops. So Lisa and I are waiting for the car to warm up, and next thing you know we're tongue-wrestling with her on my lap, fishing out my diamond-hard schlong. I'd never been so primally aroused in my whole life—all sense of time and obligation vanished as we fucked four times over the course of the next two hours in the roomy front seat of my 1984 Oldsmobile. Just thoughtless sex, unclouded by the trappings of romance. It was one of the most fulfilling, decadent, irresponsible things I'd ever done in my life. When we were done, I dropped her off and, in a sudden bout of concern, I raced home in a panic. Luckily, my girlfriend was still out cold, snoring away obliviously. I washed myself off and slipped into bed undetected. Like a total bastard, I even had the audacity to wake her up and fuck her. She loved it. Sure, I'm going to hell, but at least I can console myself with the knowledge that Lisa will be there, too. Roy W., McKinleyville, CA
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