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 In 1967, Joe Conforte, an Oakland cabbie, bought an old ranch surrounded by wild mustang herds in the desert of Nevada. Conforte plopped down a dinky trailer and in 1971 he persuaded Storey County to legalize prostitution. His Mustang Ranch became the first legal cathouse in the U.S. Now, there are 28 houses of ill-repute in Nevada, all legal, and all with rigid health inspections and licensing procedures.  Conforte went from cabbie to Casanova. The 104-bed Mustang employed as many as 500 women a year and Conforte banked millions. He even gave freebies to vets, but that good deed wasn't enough for the IRS, who were a bit pissed about the 13 million in back taxes Conforte owed. In April, 1999, they raided the famed bordello and shut its doors. Conforte ran, all the way to Brazil, leaving the "working girls" out of work, but keeping his money with him. The IRS auctioned off the Mustang's most prized possessions: Puffy velvet couches, 3-foot disco balls, gilded coffee tables shaped like nudes and other sexy souvenirs. All that's left is the building itself, a mobile-home annex with a few forgotten bidets, pairs of spiked heel shoes, and framed liquor licenses.Now the cathouse faces a threat worse then the IRS. On July 23, 2003, bulldozers are scheduled to raze the Mustang Ranch and all of the horny ghosts inside. The orgy room, the dungeon and the pink parlor will all permanently disappear. Unless former Madame Sharnel Silvey can save the day. She's not going to let this piece of history vanish without a fight. And how could she? When she walked into the orgy room, and saw the big, circular bed, tears came to her eyes. "You wanted to get whipped? We did it. You wanted to party as couples or with several ladies? We did it," she said. "And we did it with class. No swimsuit stuff in the lineups, no cheesy stuff. We had dignity." Silvey wants to turn the Mustang into a museum and has started a website to help her cause. But the clock is ticking. Unless she can do something soon, the Mustang Ranch will go the way of the dinosaur, that is, extinct. For more information or to help see: www.mustangranchmuseum.com. IKEA wants you to have a "good fuck" When you think of IKEA, you probably don't think "sexy furniture that really gets your pulse racing," but, my friends, think again. IKEA's newest bunk bed is named "Gutvik" after a small Swedish town, of course. But in German, it means something entirely different. It means "Good Fuck."  Of course, IKEA is aghast over the mix-up, and claim they had no idea. Maybe they didn't, just because they employ tons of international marketers and designers and sales people doesn't mean that any of them speak German. And, a small Swedish town is such an obvious choice of things to name a bunk bed after.No matter if they knew or not, "Gutvik" may be just what IKEA needs to shed that boring, be like everyone else, image. Recall, a few years ago, a short-lived TV commercial where a man is spying on his new "typical, boring neighbors" as they bring in the IKEA boxes. As he watches, they put together their bedroom set and then, much to his surprise, she dons spiked heels, a leather corset and a whip. The man watching almost falls off his chair, people that buy IKEA just don't whip and torture their loved ones. The ad didn't run long. Like the man in the window, most people aren't ready for a "naughty" IKEA. So maybe "Gutvik" was a mistake, and maybe it wasn't. Either way, the only advice I have is next time you name something with "fuck" in the title, make sure it's not for kids. Keep the matching white formica-style bedroom sets for the boys and girls, and the ones with the eyelets and attached leather straps for mommy and daddy. Okay? Chernobyl sucked for all but the worms One of the greatest nuclear disasters of our modern era was when reactor number 4 at the Chernobyl plant blew up. It spewed a radioactive cloud that contaminated much of Europe, an estimated 30,000 people have died and more than 2.5 million suffer from health problems.  Could anything good come out of this? Is there any species that didn't suffer from the nuclear boo-boo? Ukrainian scientists are saying yes. The worms in the region are now enjoying more sex.In places where radioactivity levels are 100 times higher than normal, worms are seeking out partners to reproduce sexually rather than asexually. Is it the glow in the soil that's stroking the worm's libido? Or perhaps the mutated worms are simply more attractive. Possibly, but according to biologist Guennady Polikarpov, "They have a better chance of survival." Sexual reproduction allows the worms to transmit their most radioactivity-resistant genes to their offspring, giving them the most chances of adapting to their new environment. This study was started in the mid-90s but has recently been abandoned due to lack of funds. You've got to be kidding me… no one wants to pay to study radioactive worms having sex? After the next nuclear fallout and we all have to fish to survive, we're going to be wishing that someone had the foresight to keep this going. Believe me.
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