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 It's no secret. The word is out. Victoria's Secret catalogs have completely permeated our country's psyche. These glossy publications have become acceptable smut. Pornography for the masses, masquerading as commerce. The babes show more skin than the chicks in Maxim. And their facial expressions say "Fait moi! Fait moi!" The women, for the most part, begin as anonymous runway models and wind up uber-celebrities. They provide us with masturbation or anti-mastication fantasies, depending upon the effect such skinny, scantily-clad models have on the viewer.  The catalogs are in almost every home. And there's no getting rid of them once they've established a beach head in your mailbox. Purchase one pair of panties and you'll continue to receive the "$5.99 magazine" for years. For eternity. Until you're wearing Depends instead of undies. Of course, the email onslaught has begun as well, which means their come-ons are coming from every direction. The online availability of their bi-annual fashion show crashed computers.Victoria's Secret's sexy dominance expands well beyond the two-dimensional. Their stores are in every mall. On street corners of major intersections. In all the high-traffic areas of America. There's simply no escaping this lingerie-selling machine. In New York City, outraged neighborhood groups protest the openings of new stores, which are preceded by 40-foot-high billboards of mostly bare skin. They seem to find underwear to be somehow scandalous. Pornographic. Not only are they offended, they believe that their children will be psychically damaged by the larger-than-life-sized depictions of ladies in lingerie. What inspires this undergarment outrage? Are undies something to be ashamed of? Is underwear still a taboo topic? I mean, don't we all put our g-strings on one, um, string at a time? Maybe it goes beyond the garments. Perhaps it's who we see wearing them. The models simply aren't human. They're aliens. Flawless beings with WINGS! They alight on the runway looking spectacular in the flimsiest of garments, beckoning us to purchase these scraps of lace, lulling us into the belief that we, too, will look angelic in our matching ensembles of spandexy fabric. Evidence of their otherworldliness is abundant. Look closely at the gaps between the lace. They have no nipples! Where ARE their areola? Their skin shines like an alabaster doll's. Should the human body emit a glare? And how many people do YOU know who sport stilettos with their negligees?  As sexual as these images may be, are they arousing? Does the curled lip of an emaciated ice queen elicit excitement? Or are we more moved by the idea of the unmentionables themselves? What the wearing of those garters might do for our love life, regardless of how flawless our thighs? One can only hope that the unbridled success of Victoria's Secret is more a result of how their products actually make us feel than their marketing department's manipulations. Could it all be inspirational, as opposed to aspirational?I enjoy the seamlessness of their bras, whether or not I'm coquettishly displaying my cleavage. I appreciate the lack of panty line offered by their line of panties. And I would never wear underwear that wasn't completely comfortable. Those are rational, real-world reasons to fork over my money. (Of course, their seventy-percent-off sales don't hurt!) Advertising has always marketed fantasy to women. And Victoria's Secret excels at this sales tactic. But I like to think that women are finally finding their own lives more exciting than what the media, or in this case, a lingerie manufacturer, tries to sell them. While I believe there's nothing more motivating than finding a pair of underwear that doesn't wind up wedged in my ass, it might not make for the most compelling ad campaign. So, what to make of all this pervasive panty pushing? How do we reconcile the sultry sex objects selling us lingerie from the comfort of our coffee tables with the reality of our lives? Give in to the omnipresent panties! Proudly display your fabulous crease-free finery! Proclaim your comfort, with your underwear AND yourself! Just DON'T keep it a secret!
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