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 Recently, two democratic Brooklyn City Council members, Yvette Clarke and Bill de Blasio, filed a bill that would require two toilets in women's bathrooms for every toilet or urinal in men's bathrooms. In their filing, Clarke and de Blasio call "[T]he absence of sufficient women's bathrooms in many places of public assembly, and the resultant lines for women's bathrooms . . . one of the most blatant, demeaning, and visible forms of gender discrimination in our society." "Every woman can recall a situation when she has waited in a long line to use the bathroom while there was no line for a neighboring men's restroom," the proposed bill says. That's for damn sure! How often have women waited in enormously long lines to pee while their male counterparts breeze in and breeze out of the men's room, having finished their business in a fraction of the time? This particular pissed off pisser has utilized men's rooms many times in the past, often to the chagrin - or worse - of her fellow man. Being a beer drinker only exacerbates the number of times I've had to wait to go number one.  One of the worst instances of potty inequality is at Coney Island. I only venture out there once a year, for the Mermaid Day Parade, which is, of course, just one more drinking activity. The biggest bar has one toilet for women and a wall of urinals for men, with one toilet as well. Both are disgusting in a Dickensian way, with toilet overflow often pooling around one's feet. But at least there isn't a half hour wait for the men's room if you can manage to slip in undetected.Outdoors at the public restrooms is another story. While women change in and out of bathing suits in each stall, those of us in need of a pee cross our legs - and our eyes - and hope we can wait long enough to not wet our pants. I made an attempt to use the men's room once (there was NO line, NO wait) and encountered vehement opposition from a security guard. I begged. I argued. He simply would NOT let me pass. God forbid I should see some guy's shlong! I'm not one of those women who take forever in the ladies room. I don't spend much time fixing my makeup or otherwise pouting into the mirror. I'm low maintenance; I get in and get out as quickly as possible. But women do have to deal with more complicated clothing. Men can take a piss without even removing anything! Imagine the convenience of emptying one's bladder with the mere zip of a zipper. Instead there's a minimum of yanking something down around our knees. Pants, underpants, pantyhose, slips, skirts- the list of obstacles to a whiz of a whiz is endless. I have a friend who wears skirts with fishnets and just pisses right through the mesh. Now that's a shortcut! I have been known to just yank my panties to the side and let fly, often when I'm bound into some complicated corset situation. But if there's a pair of pants in addition to my corset, that requires all sorts of machinations, tugging and peeling followed by pulling and tucking. I don't think I'd be happy with the old Ally McBeal solution: one public restroom for both sexes. I'd be too self-conscious. Having a man right in the next stall might be one step too far. I prefer nice private toilets that don't discriminate between genders. But in large venues such as sports stadiums or theaters, that situation wouldn't be practical. I'd be satisfied with the ability to use whichever restroom I can handle. In other words, if it isn't an emergency, I'm fine with waiting in line for the Ladies. But if things are crucial, lemme through! I'll gladly piss anywhere immediately! California, Minnesota, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Texas and Washington have enacted "restroom equity" laws. The 2003 International Building Code requires twice as many toilets for women as for men. So women are getting more commodes in new public buildings around the country. I realize it's all in the interest of fairness, but I wonder if pissing can ever really be fair. Just let me go where I need to go when I have to go!
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