What can't you buy on the internet? Not long after E-bays' inception, an inspired someone put their grandma up for sale. She came complete with her own rocker, shawl and knitting needles. It didn't take E-bay very long to pull that auction offline, even though Grams was up to nearly 60k by that point.

More recently was the unforgettable Ghost in a Jar, which was somehow guaranteed to be a genuine supernatural force trapped in an old mason jar. The ad warned "I will not be held responsible for anything that happens once the transaction is complete." (Like what, the lawsuit?) It created an overnight phenomenon which included everything from "Ghost in the Jar" boxers to "Free the Ghost in a Jar" bumper stickers. If only they'd shown the supernatural guarantee sticker on the jar, so many questions about the universe could have been answered.

But what if one is in the market for a girlfriend? Up until a few weeks ago, that too was one of the items up on the auction block. It was so popular, the number of listings you could choose from was in the low hundreds. The girlfriend services ranged from receiving innocent letters you could bring home to mom to making the business-forged relationship "anything you want it to be."

Hani Durzy, E-bay spokesman, says that the auction offerings began delving "into something that was clearly inappropriate." Thus, E-bay has pulled all of those listings and remains vigilant.

This, of course, did not discourage the would-be genuine faux girlfriends. Come on, this is the internet after all. Follow your E-bay noses to the search "imaginary girlfriend" and you'll find a brand new website on the scene: www.imaginarygirlfriends.com. While they can't sell their girlfriendness on E-bay anymore, they can sell their tank tops there. And there's that sneaky little banner, just begging you to click on it and go to their website, which offers new subscribers the following:

"This is a service provided by a real life girl where she will act as your long distance girlfriend by sending you personalized love letters, emails, pictures, leave phone messages (if you want) and provide other girlfriend-like services. This relationship appears real to others that may see these things, but it is not. There will be no actual real life meetings or relationship between you and your Imaginary Girlfriend other than that specified in your order."

So what do you need to do to become an Imaginary Girlfriend? Send them an e-mail with pictures and your thoughts on what you would do if you were to become one. That is a staggering verification process, my friends.

Enter Hank, a 54 year old man with 5 o'clock shadow. Picture him sitting at a desk in his hairy-chested tank top, boxers and knee socks (white, of course), puffing on a cigar as he carefully pens, "Dearest Chandler, how I miss you. I count the days when we will be together again…", adding the requisite squirt of Chanel. Then, he turns to his computer monitor in time to address his now flashing Yahoo Messenger icon and become his favorite 18 year old blond blue-eyed alternate, "Heather."

After you've finished dousing your eyeballs with bleach, ponder this final point. Why would you pay some random guy named Hank $45 a month to send you letters and questionable panties in the mail when you can go out into the world and pay a real life hottie $45 for a great bump 'n grind lap dance? 'Nuff said.