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 My Husband Betty: Love, Sex, and Life with a Crossdresser by Helen Boyd Thunder's Mouth Press $16.95 Crossdressing is no longer quite as closeted as it was 20 years ago, but it is still not yet perceived as mainstream behavior or as an accepted lifestyle choice. HBO's Jessica Lange movie Normal certainly brought living with a crossdresser to mass audiences, and after years of being exposed to Ru Paul, Priscilla, Queen of the Desert and other mass media portrayals of crossdressers, the public's consciousness has definitely been raised.  Gender-bending, the difficult process of transitioning from one gender to the other or even living life as a person of indeterminate gender is still considered to be beyond the realm of what most consider normal. Thunder Mouth Press' book My Husband Betty seeks to bring this under-represented community into the public's eye.As the heterosexual wife of a crossdressing man, Helen Boyd is speaking from her experiences as well as from her heart. My Husband Betty is a comprehensive guide to help friends, family and partners navigate through life and love with a "genderhacker." While this book would make an excellent text for gender studies courses, it is more than a piece of academia. It is a slice of some people's lives. My Husband Betty is both informative and extremely personal. Ms. Boyd describes her experiences in an intimate first-person, with tips to women who may be dealing with similar situations. She touches on all the dangers, misconceptions and emotional hazards a lover or family member might encounter. She balances this all with historical background and extensive research. Individual accounts from members of the community lend the book additional street cred. Boyd offers a glimpse into gender politics, advises where trans folks, their friends and their families can go to socialize and seek out support, and even provides first-hand evaluations of all the groups and services. Advice to those who may be "coming out" to their wives or families is frank and honest. A glossary, extensive list of reference books, web sites, support groups and other resources serve to further clarify and inform. Also addressed is the "slippery slope" of what can be considered dangerously liquid sexual preferences. The struggle to cope with the omnipresent concern of one's mate deciding to "transition" to another gender or "indulge" in homosexuality or (perhaps more accurately) bisexuality--is handled thoughtfully. Things do get bogged down just a bit in the detailed psychiatric descriptions of this section.  It is obviously quite difficult to explain something that often defies explanation, something that can shift and change from moment to moment, and something that has not truly been studied in depth by the scientific or psychiatric communities. The one thing that is clear throughout the book, however, is the love and tenderness that Helen feels for her husband. The topic of gender is impossible to tease apart from passion, sex, sexuality, identity and politics. It is not a subject that can be wrapped up and tied with a bow.Maintaining a healthy relationship is ultimately at the heart of the book, with an entire chapter devoted to "making it work for both of you." The fact that Helen is able to set aside her deep concerns and to not only write this book but maintain her relationship with Betty is both surprising and reaffirming. As they come to terms with the realities of their life together, how they relate to their friends, their families, the trans community and society at large, they explore what constitutes a marriage and human companionship, which transcends gender. You can buy My Husband Betty here or learn more about it at myhusbandbetty.com.
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