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 Saggy Pants Bill Voted Down So, did you hear the one about the hick legislator who wanted to make it a crime to wear hip-huggers? Well, don't panic. The world is safe from the fashion police. Louisiana State lawmakers refused to make the wearing of low-slung pants that expose "undergarments or ... any portion of the pubic hair, cleft of the buttocks or genitals" a criminal offense. No one said anything about it being a glamour don't.  Democratic Rep. Derrick Shepherd sponsored the bill that would have called for violators to serve three days of community service and pay a fine up to $175. His position against low-slung pants was that they are an example of young men emulating prison attire. "I dare say to you we should have higher and loftier goals for people to emulate," Shepherd said in his defense. "Why is it that when this state wants to address what is decent, then we laugh and we mock and we make jokes?"His protests were drowned out by catcalls and laughs on the House floor. Adding fuel to the laugh-riot fire, Rep. Danny Martiny said the measure would make Louisiana "the laughingstock of the country." Hah-ha-ha! It already has! The House voted 54-39 against the bill. No one will remember the bill being voted down, just that it was even a bill to begin with. Your tax dollars, hard at work. In Love...In Limerence The starry-eyed sign of people newly in love is based on more than song lyrics. During the initial period when a couple has fallen in love, they are closer than they have ever been - or will be again - and so are their hormone levels.  University of Pisa researcher Donatella Marazziti measured the levels of hormones in a dozen men and women who had fallen in love within the past six months, and compared them to 24 other volunteers who were either single or in monogamous, long-term relationships. The results showed that both men and women who are in love have higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol.Even more surprising was the finding that the men in the study had lower levels of testosterone, while the women had higher levels of testosterone. This is surprising because ordinarily when men are having a higher than usual amount sex, their testosterone levels are elevated. "It's as if nature wants to eliminate what can be different in men and women, because it's more important to survive [and mate] at this stage," says Marazziti. In follow-up research, the hormone levels of the couples studied had leveled off and returned to normal after their relationships had moved beyond the initial love-struck phase. Ah, we can blame so much on testosterone, can't we? Petroleum Jelly Perp Walk In the wide, wacky world of fetishes, it's often a "I thought I'd heard it all" situation. In keeping with that wonderful feeling of endless discovery, enter "the Vaseline fetishist." Robert Chamberlain was recently arrested in upstate New York for felony criminal mischief.  A motel clerk at a Broome County Motel 6 was both appalled and baffled at the amount of damage done to Room 205. Vaseline had been slathered all over everything in the room: furniture, blankets, sheets, pillows, mattresses, even the television. The damage was discovered after the guest had checked out.When the clerk called the cops, Deputy Kevin Smith of the Broome County Sherriff's Office showed up. It seems the Vaseline-coated hotel room was part of a larger petroleum jelly crime spree. A few weeks earlier a Super 8 hotel room had received the same lubricating treatment. A peek in the trash of Motel 6 Room 205 yielded 14 empty Vaseline containers as well as porn magazines and drug paraphernalia. Chamberlain was arrested in yet another hotel room, specifically an Econo Lodge, on May 9. It made for a pretty slick perp walk: Chamberlain was, like his hotel rooms, "smeared from head to toe with Vaseline." Holy oil slick, Batman!
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