I love to say I'm a pornographer. It makes people's eyes open wide and immediately sets me apart from all the other guests at life's eternal cocktail party. Of course, they assume by pornographer I mean that I'm, you know, a star. Well, I am a star, but not a porn star! Nope, as someone who reviews porn videos, I have to say that I prefer to see dewy young women on-screen, not my almost-of-a-certain-age self. I mentioned this to a gentleman who directs porn when he propositioned me as prospective talent. He was outraged and accused me of engaging in ageism. Yup, he's right. Like I said, I wanna see young women!

Anyway, back to being a pornographer. One of the other questions I get all the time, especially when I mention that I review porn videos, is "Doesn't it make you immune to sex?" Let me respond wholeheartedly with a resounding NO! As soon as I press Play, I start to squirm in my seat at the first moan or groan. All I need to hear is a few beats of bad porn music and my pussy drools like a proverbial Pavlov's dog. Even when I'm fast-forwarding through the fucking just to get the job done, I still find myself feeling hot and bothered.

But probably most amazing of all is that when I write erotic fiction - or hardcore literary smut, whatever you want to call it - I turn myself on! Imagine that! Two paragraphs into my build-up and I'm massaging my stiff nipples. By the time I get to the cum shot, I've got to go cum myself. That's how I know the shit works. I figure, if it gets me off, it will get you off as well. Mind you, I have been accused of being in love with my words, and perhaps that's true. Maybe I'm more accurately in lust with my words. Cause they sure do make me wet.

Another obvious question people ask is "Just how much of that erotic fiction is actually fiction?" To be honest, I have written about experiences that I've actually experienced. You'd be surprised. The most unlikely stories I've written were closer to the truth than the more mundane. I'm sure the "We'd been married ten years and were bored with our sex life, so we decided to try a three-way" scenario occurs more often in reality than a bartender who spreads her legs and is treated to cunnilingus right on the bar. At least to people who aren't pornographers!

The yarns I've woven in my imagination are probably not all that far-fetched. The first piece of fiction I ever wrote about an SM party was completely, utterly fiction. For my protagonist, I dreamt up an meshy web of thin leather straps and lovingly described how each tenuous strip of the web was chewed through as she lay on a table, a birthday cake balanced on her belly. She was, of course, blindfolded. The scene became an unsighted sensual encounter, an orgy of frosting smeared over her body, invisible friends giggling and licking it off, insinuating their tongues into her every crevice in the process. I was pleasantly surprised when I actually began attending such events and very similar scenes unfolded right before my eyes. Not this particular situation, with every detail the same, but damn close.

So in addition to fictionalizing my reality, I've realized my fiction. After describing things I'd never experienced, it was pleasantly surprising to discover how accurate I'd been: that pussy does taste that way...feeling one mouth on your clit and another on your breast is amazing...slamming a strap-on into a juicy cunt is exhilarating! Er, excuse me while I attend to Pavlov's dog...

Seriously, the beauty of being a pornographer is that I basically collaborate on sexual gratification. My words can inspire orgasms. Move people to pleasure themselves. Or others.

When I interviewed Annie Sprinkle a few years ago, I asked her how many orgasms she estimated she'd "assisted" in providing, she guessed at thousands. I thought perhaps millions. Imagine the good karma generated by pleasing so many...so many times! I may not be curing cancer or saving souls, but I am providing happiness, however fleeting it may be. And that makes me proud to be a pornographer!

Proud to be a Pornographer! - by Abby Ehmann

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