Many of the readers may have discerned that I am a connoisseur of toys. Many toys that I pick up lead me to try new things; some toys I pick up lead me to try things in the same vein, so to speak. In this review, you'll get a few ideas on dildos and vibes and how you can play loudly or with the utmost discretion.

First, let's talk about my trip to Good Vibes, where all things fun live. I'm not saying it's the only place to get fun things, I am just saying it is a cornucopia of things to stimulate, arouse, titillate and please you. On this particular trip, I was looking for something to take the place of my beloved Renaldo. Renaldo is a purple jelly dildo I've had for many years of fun (please don't ask me why I called him Renaldo). Unfortunately, Renaldo is nearing the end of his useful life, and I was looking for something new and exciting with which to play some private (and not so private) games.

I looked across the room, and like a spotlight from above with a heavenly chorus, there he was. Slight exaggeration, but I found "him" there, on the far wall, looking like just the thing I wanted inside me. It was called Rex with a sign that said "Rex has Girth," and this puppy sure does have width.

It's 7 inches long, from the tip of the head to the bottom of the base, with a 2 inch diameter and a rounded flange so it can't slide all the way in (for those of you with deep clefts). It's realistically created for those women out there who really enjoy the lifelike touches, and I can wholeheartedly recommend this one.

Now, I am not sure what the normal vaginal width is, but for me, Rex gives a lovely feeling of stretching. I actually have to relax to get him all the way in the first few times. I am fond of saying, "lube is our friend," and that is true here as well, unless you're a fairly well-lubricated gal already. Once I get him inserted all the way, though, he is a lovely ride with deep penetration, and the added reality touches enhance my enjoyment. I use it often before long sexual encounters to ensure I am really "open" to the experience, you know?

Stretching, for me, is a sexual turn-on, whether it is being with a man or with Rex. It's always been a hot thought, and a super stimulation for me to feel that slight ache of skin accepting and widening around something juuuust a little larger than usual. I don't want to be someone who can insert champagne bottles (though if you can, go with it), but I do feel especially aroused by the sensation, so the diameter was part of the main draw for me.

Okay, so what if he's purple? Rex actually comes in several different colors (red, purple, black, or chocolate brown) so you can find something to fit your décor - or whatever. He is a silicone dildo, so he is non-porous. This becomes important (and helps to explain the untimely death of Renaldo) when you learn that it means the gel or lubricants you use will not be absorbed into the dildo. It can be washed in the sink with water and a mild soap, or you can use a suggested method from Good Vibes, "safely washed in the top rack of a dishwasher or sterilized by boiling for 1-2 minutes." Just make sure you're the one emptying the dishwasher.

It retailed for $64.00, but with the longevity, it's a worthwhile investment. Look at it that way - you're investing in your sexual health and well-being! On my scale of 1-10, this is a 9.

While we're on the subject of things that make you come, I recently also invested in another product called the Acuvibe. Those who have read anything I've written before know of my infatuation with the Hitachi Magic Wand. Basically, these two are on a par, primarily for home use with large rounded heads for outward clitoral stimulation. These two are not the type of vibes one can inconspicuously toss into a purse and carry around with you. They both have wall-plug attachments, but the draw of the Acuvibe might be that it is also capable of disconnecting to the cord and holding a charge for up to 45 minutes. This can be a nice bonus if you and your lover plan on moving away from the wall-socket during any of your play-time.

Both the Hitachi and the Acuvibe are multi-speed devices - from oh-god-yes to i-can-speak-backwards. Personally, I generally start with the lower speed and once I've come a few times, I use the higher speed for that over-the-top sensation. No need for lube, as I said, because neither are truly able to be used internally. Both, however, are able to be fitted with attachments: round heads that fit on the vibrating pads of the units and have extensions for insertable vibrations. The extensions are mostly aimed at the lower-inside of the vaginal area toward the infamous g-spot. These I can recommend from personal experience, as well. Zowie!

These vibrators are quite noisy and identifiable in sound. No one will think you're running clippers in the bathroom or anything, so be prepared to answer questions if you have a roommate. Nor can you run them discretely under your desk for a mid-day perk-me-up. Both are very strong with their oscillations, so they're perfect for those who love robust clitoral stimulation. With or without attachments, they rate a 10 on my 1-10 scale.

The Acuvibe is made by Interactive Heath, and is $59 at Good Vibes.

But what about something tinier, that you can palm discreetly or pack into your purse? But you still want that powerful wallop that larger vibes can deliver? Have I got the recommendation for you. Just in case you haven't heard of the Pocket Rocket, keep reading. At about 4 inches long, it's small enough to hold in one hand and not be seen. You can also carry it in that zippered pouch in your purse that you've been wondering how to fill.

It runs off batteries, so it's completely portable. Just one AA battery can take you to heaven and back quite a few times. It's operated by turning the lower portion of the vibe itself, and is not so loud that a noisy restaurant wouldn't cover its sound (unless you're a screamer.). It comes with a plastic cap with raised nodules on it for direct clitoral stimulation, and the cap is removable with three metallic rounded heads beneath for those who prefer a smoother ride.

You can be adventurous like me, and have two - one for direct stimulation, and the other to insert slightly into the vagina for extra oomph. For such a little unit, there is surprising power, so be prepared for a nice time with a raunchy Rocket ride. The recommended care for the product is to clean with a moistened cloth of water and a mild soap, but is NOT recommended to be immersed in water fully.

In my opinion, we, as women (and men) know that sometimes things get sticky and have to be cleaned. Body fluids and lubes are a fact of life. My recommendation is if you take the route I do and insert, follow these two rules. Number one, don't insert all the way to the bottom of the device. Suction is a fact of life, as is muscle clenching. Number two, just don't get the area where the battery nodes are located wet. Mine have worked well by following these guidelines, and are still in happy operation after a couple of years.

Perfect for self use or play with others, it sells for $29 and is an 8 on my scale of 1-10. For those who want that same Pocket Rocket experience in the water (and I know there are people out there who love water play), there is a waterproof version for sale called the Water Dancer on the Good Vibes site that also retails for $29.

And what about folks who are really into discretion and don't want to give anything away when someone is snooping in our drawers (ahem) or we suffer an embarrassing purse spills? There are items out there that are made for just such a purpose: take the Lipstick Vibe. It looks just like a real lipstick, complete with cap. Open it, and no one is the wiser cause it still looks like lipstick. If you turn the bottom and activate the device, you're the only one who will know it's not your facial lips enjoying this stick. It's quiet and perfect for the ride on the train, a slip into the bathroom, or a jaunt under the desk at work. The vibrations aren't that strong, but for those who enjoy a smoother, longer ride, this is perfect.

At 3 ˝" long, it runs on one AAA battery, and is the must-have accessory for every woman's kit. Again, do not immerse in water for cleaning, but use a moistened cloth of water and mild soap. It is non-porous, so you can use lube, but that kind of defeats the discreteness factor, so…just "apply" your lipstick!

A 7 on my sliding 1-10 scale, it's a great gift for giving others and yourself. For another good one, check out Drugstore.com's Nail Polish version for $20.

And for those who just enjoy quirkiness and discretion, let's just hit the wall with the I Rub My Duckie. Yes, folks, it's what it seems - a rubber ducky looking device with the added bonus of vibration and stimulation. And it even floats, so you can trick your mom or the kids or anyone else. What?? You just like your ducky!!

The beak and the tail are those areas that provide the greatest stimulation, and operation is simple -squeeze it on or off like you were looking for the squeak. It provides soft vibrations, is pretty quiet and can be used in water. No use having a duck that can't go in the water, is it?

It is a rub-a-dub-rubber toy, so the recommended use is with a condom, but if you're using in the bath, make sure you keep it clean with liberal use of soap and water, and you should be good. You probably don't need to use a lube on this one, anyway. Any bodily secretions are likely to be absorbed by the bath-water, but for use outside the bath - take precautions and use your toys as recommended. (Mental image of a duck in a condom.)

This fun toy comes in at 5 ˝" long, and 5 ˝" in diameter with two AA batteries that will keep you quacking happily for hours. Clean it with mild soap and water, and make sure the battery compartment stays dry. Bathtub fun for you or you and a friend.

An 8 on my scale just for the weirdness of it…and don't take weird to mean I don't recommend! It's got a tweak to it that just appeals to me! This little rubber wonder comes in black, yellow, junior size (3" long, 1 7/8" diameter), and 'red devil' duckie.

Author's Note: all the above items can be purchased on sites or in locations like Drugstore.com, Amazon.com and other places than Good Vibes. Prices may vary. Wherever you find your items, make sure to clean toys often and play safe! Most importantly - USE OFTEN!