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Teagan Presley: Photo spread and interview with one of Digital Playground's hottest starlets. More»
6-29-2004


Dear Jane: I have been a cross-dresser for the last thirty years or so. It cost me my first marriage. She knew that I dressed, but never could accept it. We simply grew apart, and I swore I would never let my fetish affect me like that again.


What can I do to encourage her to allow the real female in me out?
I am now remarried, and my new bride loves the fact that I wear panties every day under my business suits. In fact, she often shops with me to buy scanties we can share. She adores my female side, and encourages me to let it out. I think she'd like to be my lesbian lover.

The problem, however, is that she doesn't want me to go all the way, and dress completely like I used to. I once put on a bra during lovemaking, and she asked me to take it off. It doesn't turn her on. What can I do to encourage her to allow the real female in me out? I would love to be able to dress up and be her "best friend," as well as her lover. But, I'm worried that she will think it's too much, and leave me, like my first wife. I need the time I used to have as a female, but I love her dearly and don't want to lose her. What can I do?
-- Perplexed

Dear Perplexed: First of all, dear one, I laud you for having apparently let your new bride know before marriage that you like to dress in women's clothing. I recently conducted a survey of my clients and found that a scant 10.5 percent disclosed this important detail prior to nuptials. Keeping an aspect of ourselves as integral as our sexuality secret from the person closest to us is a recipe for a life marked by shame, guilt, and loneliness.


Well, lucky boy, you've hit the lottery: it appears you have found a partner who is playful, open, and willing.
You say your beloved embraces your "female side". She celebrates your wearing panties under your suits. You say you think she'd like to be your lesbian lover. Well, lucky boy, you've hit the lottery: it appears you have found a partner who is playful, open, and willing.

However, there's something about fantasy that you must understand, precious girlyboy. And that is that one person's fantasy may not be his partner's and may never be, as much as both parties may want to go there. As open as your blushing bride is, she may not be able to cross the line between panty-wearing and full cross-dressing. If she crawled into bed wearing a shirt and tie and boxer shorts expecting you to be turned on, you might understand.

This is not to say that there's no hope in engaging her interest. You have a woman in your life as playful as any man can hope for. Why don't you invite your muse for an evening of play devoted to a lesbian fantasy. If she's actually involved in transforming you into her female lover-and witnessing your excitement along the way-her own panties may dampen far more readily than they did when you simply showed up in bed wearing a bra. Let her play with you. And if she still doesn't go for it, then value all she does give you-which is a lot-and stop focusing on what she doesn't. After all, you always have your old girlfriend to turn to when the need arises, right under the surface of your own skin.
-- Jane


Dear Jane: I am writing today to ask for your advice. I have an uncontrollable urge to wear women's clothing, especially pantyhose. As I am typing this I am wearing two pairs of black sheer-to-the-waist pantyhose, a small black and white checkered dress that buttons up the front, and a nice pair of black patent leather pumps.


I have even gone so far as to cut out the crotch of the pantyhose to pleasure myself.
My heart is pounding through my chest . . . not to mention my hands are trembling as I type this. I actually have to stop writing at times so that I can run my hands over my thighs and cock, just to calm down. I have even gone so far as to cut out the crotch of the pantyhose to pleasure myself. Will I ever be able to stop?
-- Your Pantyhose Boy

Dear PB: Gosh, pretty boy, why would you ever want to? Even I haven't had a heart-through-the-chest experience such as you describe, not since the day my partner presented me with red spanking panties, effectively and splendidly turning the tables on me.


See a counselor not for the cross-dressing, but for compulsive-obsessive issues.
Look, Pantyhose Boy, there's nothing wrong with your desire to wear women's clothing. My own research indicates that such longings begin around age 9 or 10, then intensify with puberty. Nearly all cross-dressers (more than 80%) are heterosexual, and almost 90% are married. These men are "normal" in every way, sweetie, and otherwise quite conventional. They simply have a fondness for women's clothing. If you feel you are becoming compulsive and your behavior interferes with work and relationships, see a counselor not for the cross-dressing, but for compulsive-obsessive issues.

You've found something that really excites you; explore the boundaries of your fantasies. Embrace your longings as you embrace your bared clitty-cock through the torn opening of your pantyhose. Now . . . grease it up for me, my pet, and put your trembling hands to good use.
-- Jane

BIO: Jane Vargas holds a Ph.D. in Human Sexuality can be found on the internet at www.jane.tv. Ask for Jane's advice on any aspect of fetish sexuality by e-mailing her at . Please note that Jane's advice is from the viewpoint of a caring, softly dominant woman; it is not intended to replace professional therapy. All questions are "real," although may be edited for length. Reprinted in Eros Zine with the kind permission of Jane.

Dear Jane... - by Jane Vargas Top of the Guide

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