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 It's been a bad month for porn! In Norway, hotel workers allege that guests, "inspired" by their free in-room porn videos, have been making inappropriate advances. Sometimes in the nude. "We have received complaints from a number of our members who have found themselves in very uncomfortable situations while in the rooms,'' said union boss Eli Ljunggren. The employees say that they've been harassed and solicited by horny guests who've been watching porn movies and they want the movies banned. How do they know they weren't inspired by a satellite feed of "The Simple Life"?  Porn star Dolly Buster says she prefers the violence of action thrillers over porn movies. Is that a surprise? Just because you fuck for a living doesn't mean you'd want to watch the stuff in your off hours. Ms. Buster, a 34-year-old blonde who runs her own porn production company, says she'd rather watch crime thrillers. "I won't watch a film unless it has at least five dead bodies," Buster said. Well, if you're a porn aficionado, you're aware that most porn flicks contain the standard five fuck scenes. So she's just carrying that minimum requirement over: instead of five "petite morts," the French term for orgasms, she's into five "grande morts," a term we just coined for, well, big DEATH deaths. Dolly added that "It shouldn't be absurd, like a chainsaw massacre," further commenting, "The murderer should stick the knife in himself." In himself? Or by himself? We aren't gonna touch that one with a 10-inch....um.... You can draw your own parallels there!First a porn star who doesn't watch porn movies, now men who don't want to be in them! Fedja Stukan, a Bosnian porn producer, says that while he found all kinds of Bosnian babes eager to star in his films, he's gonna have to import his male talent. "Bosnian men simply have no wish to star in porn movies," he told local media. Even finding the funding for his production proved easier. Well-endowed men from surrounding countries are currently being sought. Your Rights Are Always In Jeopardy Fly the Boobless Skies  Seems the First Amendment doesn't apply to tacky tourist t-shirts. Oscar Arela, a man on his way home from vacation in Costa Rica, was booted off his American Airlines flight for wearing a t-shirt that had an image of a bare breast on it. Oscar and his girlfriend were making a connecting flight at Miami International Airport, where he refused to remove the shirt or wear it inside out. His girlfriend, Tala Tow, said, "It's a picture of a man and woman, and the woman's breast is showing. The flight attendant basically walked up to us and yelled, 'You have to take off that shirt right now.' "No one on the flight between Costa Rica and Miami had complained, and Arela felt that his rights to free speech had been violated. American Airlines spokesman Tim Wagner noted the airline's policy, which states that any passenger who is "clothed in a manner that would cause discomfort or offense to other passengers" can be removed from a flight. He also noted that the image on the shirt was more graphic than the couple described and that the airline had refunded their ticket costs. Either way, we can't imagine why a t-shirt would get you kicked off of an airplane. Of course, if it had read "Pilot, fly this plane into a building," we can imagine that people might have objected. But last we checked, the first amendment was still intact. And Live in the Sex Toy-Free State of Alabama  Alabama's federal appeals court recently upheld a 1998 law banning the sale of sex toys. Evidently they don't believe that the Constitution's right to privacy extends to what you use to get off. A three-judge panel of the 11th U.S Circuit Court of Appeals says the state can police the sale of devices that can be sexually stimulating. Hmm, wonder if that includes La-Z-Boy recliners or kitchen utensils. "If the people of Alabama in time decide that a prohibition on sex toys is misguided, or ineffective, or just plain silly, they can repeal the law and be finished with the matter," the court said. It seems that they believe being able to buy a sex toy might lead down the slippery slope to prostitution and adult incest. Sheesh, those people in Alabama have filthy minds! Fortunately, the law bans the sale of sex toys but not possession, so you folks in Alabama can hold onto your Hitachis without fear of doing jail time. But we should all be keeping a sharp eye on our rights - AND our sex toys! - before they're all taken away.
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