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Teagan Presley: Photo spread and interview with one of Digital Playground's hottest starlets. More»
8-24-2004

Sunset Thomas


Julie Meadows
I'll bet you've been waiting your whole life for a porn musical, huh? Well, VCA has finally made all your dreams come true! Based on the original 1970's porn classic created by Henry Paris, the basic plot of Misty Beethoven is My Fair Lady turned porno. It's a tale of transformation, not that you need to get all caught up in the plot. Here that plot is somewhat obscured by the whole musical aspect, warranting merely a nod to Mr. Paris and a whole new ball game-er, Off-Off-OFF-Broadway show-for Ms. Hart.

I could say that there's a singing penis and leave it at that. I mean, c'mon, a singing penis? What more do you need?

But no, I'll give ya more than that. Like how about a dozen full sex scenes? Or a three-disc collector's set that includes a whole CD just of the audio soundtrack? Yup, that's right. For decades we've collectively cringed at how bad porn soundtracks are and now they're actually being packaged. Who'dathunkit?

The main disc contains the movie, "Sex on Demand" (pick the specific sex act you'd like to see!), scene select, interactive star bios, director's commentary and a menu of movie options which includes multi-angles and wall-to-wall, if you'd prefer not to sit through the plot or dialogue. The second disc includes even more sexxxtras: behind the scenes stuff, a photo gallery, previews, interviews, bloopers, bonus footage and a featurette of "Misty Beethoven: Then and Now." The movie itself is almost a full two hours long, so it's definitely worth your hard-earned porno dollars.


 Lezley Zen
But what about those dozen sex scenes? The bulk of them seem to be Spears getting his dick sucked; he's getting blown in almost every scene. But don't worry, there's plenty sucking, fucking, DP, anal, girl-girl with a double dong and lots of orgy action. There's even an extended, hardcore scene with Malitia getting slammed from two different directions in a raunchy sex club, where all manner of fornication and fellatio are taking place. The entire club applauds when the two dicks unload on Malitia's face. Wish I could catch that kinda shit at my local watering hole!

Other standout scenes include the onstage three-way with Meadows (who's a hot little number) and the eternally edible Asia Carrera taking on a tattooed and bleached punk dude. Sweet!


 Sunset Thomas
The flick features oodles of slick techniques and flashy camera angles. Porn gets more and more sophisticated with each new release and VCA is one of the uppermost of the top-drawer production companies. The only drawback here-and this is assuming that you don't mind having your porn stars break into song mid-screw-is the lousy lip synching. Of course, I'm used to seeing skilled drag queens, who really live it. But all these stars could've worked a little harder to match their singing to the songs. As the credits rolled, I was surprised to see that they all actually performed their own songs, which makes their inability to lip synch even more strange-and unacceptable.

But ya gotta hand it to VCA for putting out a porn musical. We all know how well Cop Rock did. Now, let's see if DJs wind up spinning any selections from the soundtrack!

Misty Beethoven: The Musical
VCA Pictures (DVD)
2003
Directed by Veronica Hart
Starring Sunset Thomas, Chloe, Julie Meadows, Asia Carrera, Misty Mason, Mia Smiles, Ava Vincent, Michelle Lay, Lezley Zen, Malitia, Kelly Steele, Randy Spears, Tyce Bune, Barrett Blade, J.T. Cannon, Trevor Zen, Dave Cummings, Chris Cannon, Mike Horner, Evan Stone, A.J., Hamilton Steele and Dick Nasty.

Misty Beethoven: The Musical - by Abby Ehmann Top of the Guide

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