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Marla Rutherford, Erotic Gallery: Strong, seductive beings in a surreal world. More»
9-07-2004



Ahhh, the Olympics - finally being held on their home turf of Athens, Greece. The Greeks really knew how to celebrate the male form and its beauty through both athletics and artwork. Now TV networks could bring their cameras into ancient places, pointing them at the ancient pieces. The viewers could appreciate the fine art and history of Greece along with the Games.

You saw it too. The camera panned across a noble statue's masterfully sculpted face, down the neck and across the broad shoulders, over the rippling six pack and… there were the statue's thighs. Wait a tick, did we miss something? Why yes we did. Apparently the sculptor forgot something very important to the statue's, er, gender. Or perhaps the answer is a bit more obvious: that the networks think, should we see an artistic depiction of a penis, our delicate sensibilities may be ruptured and our collective heads may explode.

This strikes me as both funny and frightening at the same time. Here we are in a day and age when New York is teaching their 13-year-old public school attending kids how to apply a condom to a banana, yet the public at large isn't allowed even a glimpse of an old statue's naughty bits.

Where will this silliness lead? Good gracious, will Michelangelo's David be forced to wear a fig leaf in our children's history books? Sadly, something similar is already in the works. Michael and Mary Trak own a restaurant in Richmond, Virginia. Mary recently found an 8 foot cast-iron reproduction of the young Italian hunk and, for a cool grand, brought him to the restaurant and set him up.

The statue was met with much enthusiasm… at first. "People loved it," said Mize, the restaurant's dining room manager. "A lot of ladies would bring their cameras and have their pictures taken beside it."

Until the fateful day when a woman called and left a message saying that, while the food was excellent she would not be coming back. Her son had seen the statue and begun asking mommy questions about body parts.

Mize answered this call by covering David's winky with a table runner. But then the complaints doubled, ranging from "Hey, uncover that statue, that's art!" to people peeking under David's mini-kilt to make sure he was still packing. After a little over a week, Mize succumbed to the complaints and returned David to his original state of buffness. This resulted in a one hour voice message berating the restaurant owners for David's state of undress. It was an anonymous call, of course. Mize, Marr and Michael now live in a perpetual state of wanting people to enjoy fine art yet not chase anyone away or offend them.

How sad. No one is trying to show anything vulgar or even sexually charged. Flaccid, the penis is just another body part, as offensive as an earlobe. Worse yet, imagine striding into the Louvre and announcing that Venus needs a bra. Or marching into the Department of Justice and demanding that Lady Justice's naked granite mammary be covered by a giant sheet… oh crap, that really happened. Frightening.

Censoring The Penis - by Christine Watson Top of the Guide

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