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Ah, Burning Man. If you've never actually attended the event, it no doubt exists for you in one of three different realms: the "never heard of it" realm, the "heard about it but it's not for me" realm or the "yes, I gotta go...someday" realm. So now you've at least heard about it. And it's like nothing else.
Burning Man is something distinctly different for each person, and, often, something different for that person from one day, hour and moment to another. It can be a rave, art exhibit, orgy, camping trip, or open air performance venue. It can be a religious, learning, bonding, enriching, alienating, mind-expanding experience. It can be stressful, spiritual, emotional, inspirational, habitual and conceptual. Or it can be just another party. For purposes of this web site, I suppose I should emphasize the orgy angle, and yes, there certainly was an abundance of free, easy, unbridled and enthusiastic sex to be had. I unfortunately bumbled into one of the hottest venues on the playa late on the night of the burn and missed everything completely, save for being asked to masturbate onstage in order to fulfill one gentleman's "bet." It was the Vortex Casino, situated right on the Esplanade, complete with the "No Children Allowed" signage required for sexual- or adult-themed camps this year. I did hear that this was the easiest place to witness sex of all sorts: threesomes, fellatio, cunnilingus, masturbation, general groping and so forth was said to have taken place in this libidinous lair. Jiffy Lube, infamous for their gay sex antics, was there again this year, though I never even saw their signage.
So I suppose I wasn't doing such a great job of beat-off beat reporting if I missed every single sex theme camp. Instead I rode the ride of death at Ubercarny, teeter-tottered on a 22-foot children's toy and wept at this year's Temple. The sexy stuff I encountered was, instead, incidental and spontaneous, and perhaps not specifically sexual. Probably the most stimulating thing about Burning Man is the sheer abundance of sparkling, flamboyant and excited human beings all in one place. There are more smiles per square foot out there than anywhere else in the universe, and that alone makes it a sexy place. Nothing is hotter than people who are eager to embrace you, your fabulousness and your flaws- and theirs as well. Warmth is a powerful aphrodisiac.
But for you dogs eager to hear about real LIVE sex, I can share one of my week's more unusual encounters: While enjoying a warm afternoon and a cold beer with a few friends, a lovely couple wandered in and within moments a flailing three-way unfolded. One of my favorite redheads was the couple's object of desire, and they had shown up to shower her with sex and affection. With legs splayed over my beer cooler, she crowed "Welcome home!" -- an expression most burners are familiar with. That got quite a chuckle. The woman dove in with both surgical glove-clad hands, and much licking and slurping by her partner and assorted bystanders augmented her spelunking. Turnabout being fair play, the giver soon became the receiver, as dental dam after dental dam was utilized, voraciously licked straight through and replaced again. Orgasms were achieved, shocked expressions metamorphosed from curiosity to enjoyment to wholehearted approval. And cold beer never tasted so good. So there you have it. Ah, Burning Man. There truly is nothing like it.
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