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Australia Sex Foibles #1: Videogame Too Sexy No question about it, the Aussies have an unrivaled reputation for being downright bad asses. Australia is home to some of the deadliest insects and snakes in the world, man-eating crocs and manly man Russell Crowe. But for some reason, when it comes to sex in a videogame, they get a bit mamby-pamby. The game Leisure Suit Larry has been around since the early days of my youth, strutting about in his disco finest and using his supa-playa charms on the likes of Dewmi Moore and Wynona Juggs. This classic computer game has gone through eight unique adventures and spans the bridge of videogame history. Heck, when Leisure Suit Larry was first released, his was nothing more than a few pixels. This new version of the game, www.sierra.com Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude, will show Larry in full 3D glory. Too bad Australia has banned it.  The Australian Office of Film and Literature Classification has deemed the videogame to be too sexual and vulgar, containing "obscured and/or implied sexual activity and obscured and partial nudity involving stylised, animated characters". Look, they even spell "stylized" wrong. Sheesh. Australia Sex Foibles #2: Electric Boogaloo It was a day just like any other day in Queensland, Austrailia at the Mackay Airport. Until the luggage bin began to "hum." The airport was immediately shut down for an hour and everyone was evacuated. Even the departing and arriving flights were delayed. The police had a bomb expert on the phone when an unidentified traveler recognized the type of "novelty item" (wink wink, nudge nudge) that was happily buzzing away in the bin. Thanks to this passenger, airport life was able to continue not-so-proudly onward.  Meanwhile in Italy...A naughty naughty Swiss couple got a bit more than frisky in a bar bathroom in Como, Italy. But before either of them had the chance to write that "Dear Penthouse, I never thought it would happen to me, but…" letter, the bar owner caught them…er, red-handed. State prosecutors insisted the man be sentenced to a six-month jail stay and a five-month sentence for his partner, but Judge Lucano Storaci threw the case ou,t stating that there was no public indecency because the bathroom door was shut. There the Italians go again, simply enjoying life and being cooler than cool. The Judge probably then threw off his robes, hopped on his scooter in the finest Italian leather, and with a final "Ciao" and putted off to the nearest café.  What's His Fetish?Moving halfway around the world to the land of sushi and school uniforms, 39-year-old Kenji Hishida of Japan is awaiting trial for burglary. Originally, he was nabbed for nabbing two pairs of pants from the employee area of a West Japan Railway company. However, when the police busted into Hishida's apartment, they found over 10,000 stolen uniform-related togs. Almost everything he had was part of a uniform, from helmets and badges to shirts, skirts and pants. He had so many things; the only space left open in the whole apartment was the space on the floor where he slept. So what was his fetish, the uniforms or stealing the uniforms?  College Students Learn To Move Liquid AssetsMoving westward across the globe, we find a pair of students in Wales being covered in whipped cream. Clearly, this is further proof that the world is going to hell in hand basket. "Why?" I hear you ask. "How could two young luscious nearly nekkid college students being covered in sugary dairy products be a bad thing?" Because they're not doing it for fun, damn it all. They're doing it for money. Worse yet, they have to do it to a Britney Spears song. The two girls are barely able to survive whilst attending the University of Wales, Aberystwyth. The Student Loans Company is currently suffering a backlog in loans due to an extremely expensive new computer system. Thus, young nubile college students are being forced to compete in wet t-shirt contests for a whopping £50. So go on and do your part. Get out to these wet-shirt contests and donate to the moist students of Wales. And bring more whipped cream.  This is a Job For Kevin Bacon!At Summit High in Bend, Oregon, the kids just wanna dance. They wanna freak dance, and the town just won't let 'em. The "no freak dance" rules haven't been in effect for quite a while, but apparently the kids have been getting so frisky, the sign on the main office door states, "Dancing that simulates sex or is graphically sexual in nature will not be allowed." March of 2004 saw a Freak Dance Debacle, as this reporter hopes it will someday be called. The dance had to be stopped early because the kids were getting too freaky on the dance floor. The dance after that was apparently cancelled because, even with the "no freak dance" rule in effect, the kids were planning to rebel Footloose Freak style. "They're taking it to an extreme saying we're having sex on the dance floor," said Megan Hasenoehrl, a senior at Summit High. "You can't stop it; people don't know how to dance other than that." Parents and teachers are currently debating whether or not freak dancing would be ok as long as the pair do not physically touch. "They won't let us dance how we want," said Lindsi Cagan, 15 year old junior. John Lithgow was unavailable for comment.  Save The Breast For LastYou never know where a terrorist could hide a bomb, as Australia has observed. Well Denver, Colorado agrees. San Diego woman Ava Kingsford was chosen for a pat-down search at the Denver International Airport. Apparently no bombs were detected anywhere on her person…but there was still one more place to check. The female Transportation Security Administration told her, "I'm going to feel your breasts now." "I was stunned," Kingsford says, "and I said, 'I beg your pardon?!'" When Kingsford objected to the security grope, they took her to a private area to finish the search. In tears, she told them she did not want to be touched and pulled her top down to show them she was not packing. "And then they said, 'That's it. We're not going to complete the search and you're not boarding your plane,'" Kingsford said. "They escorted us out and said they didn't care how we got home, it wasn't their problem." Kingsford and her fiancé rented a car and made the 15-hour drive home instead. Perhaps it was a convertible with the top down.
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