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Marla Rutherford, Erotic Gallery: Strong, seductive beings in a surreal world. More»
10-19-2004


Top Ten Reasons Halloween Is Better Than Sex

10. You're guaranteed to get a little something in the sack.

9. The uglier you are, the easier it is to get some.

8. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.

7. Less guilt the morning after.

6. It doesn't matter if they fantasize you're somebody else, because you are.

5. Forty years from now, you'll still enjoy candy.

4. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door.

3. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go again.

2. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.

1. You can do the whole neighborhood!
What empress demanded all visitors come to her court to perform cunnilingus?

During the T'ang Dynasty (700-900 A.D.), there was an empress named Wu Hu who felt superior to men. She believed that a woman performing fellatio on a man gave that man superiority. To give her the upper hand, she compelled all visiting male dignitaries and government officials to her court to kneel before her and lick her clitoris. She would open her robe so that homage could be paid. (It's good to be queen!)

Another odd way of showing respect to a ruler is found in a pre-Christian Irish myth, which says that the Queen of Ulster and all 610 ladies of her court went to meet the hero Cuchalainn topless and lifted their skirts to honor him.

Which ancient rulers had so many wives that they needed sex secretaries?

You know your sex life is complicated when you need special secretaries just to keep track of when you have intercourse and with whom. While this "problem" may be the envy of some men today, it was a strict matter of duty for the ancient Chinese emperors.

These rulers were required to have one queen, three consorts, nine second-rank wives, twenty-seven third-rank wives, and eighty-one concubines. They believed this exact combination of sexual partners fit their "magical numbers." The emperor was on a strict schedule and had special "sex secretaries" to work out the order of his performances. The schedule was set so that he had sex with the lower wives in progression up to the queen, who had intercourse with him once a month. It is believed that his "yin" (male sexual power) was strengthened from his intercourse with all the lesser wives. Ironically, all this sex probably had the exact opposite effect on his fertility with the queen.

The emperor was not the only man in China to have several wives. A Chinese marriage often included the bride's sisters and maids. These familiar faces, as well as the husband's secondary wives, helped ease the bride's transition into her new home. Sons often had affairs with the father's secondary wives, as husbands only saw these women at the dinner table or in bed. When a new concubine was introduced into the Chinese household, she had to watch her husband have sex with the other wives for several nights. When he finally had intercourse with her, the others watched.

This lack of modesty is in total contrast to the more demure China of today. A recent study found that eighty-seven percent of Chinese couples only make love with their clothes on. What could be less intimate?

Can you name two reasons for placing a fish in a woman's vagina?

The things some people will so for sex! As a means of stirring their man's desires, some English wives in the Middle Ages placed a live fish in their vaginas until it died. Then it was cooked and served to their indifferent husband. The horny housewife might also make a loaf of bread on which she had made an impression of her vulva before baking.

In more modern times, men of the Ponapean culture are said to place a fish in the vulva of their mate and gently lick it out before intercourse.

All facts today were graciously given with permission and taken from Quickies - Fascinating Facts about the Facts of Life by Don Voorhees. You can read our review of the book here.

Sex Trivia and Top Ten - by Alexia O'Neil Top of the Guide

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