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 I teach a Sex Party Etiquette class, and the one point I like to stress is how not to be the creepy guy everyone always complains about. You know who he is. He's the guy who lurks in the corner, eyeballing everyone, and never says a word; the guy who gets a bit too close, breathing too heavily on the participants. Maybe he's the random wanker, who wanders around, dick in hand, licking his chops in search of someone to wank over. Or worse, the overly aggressive guy who can't keep his hands-or his cock-to himself.None of this behavior is desirable. It will probably make you a party pariah, and may even get you ejected. Forever. So, what can a guy do to make sure that, even if he doesn't get lucky, at least he gets to stay? My favorite sex party faux pas story is from about a year ago, when I threw one of my "anything goes" sex(y) events in a midtown loft. There was an interesting, eclectic crowd of swingers and fetish folks, hard-core players and uninitiated neophytes, some looking for serious action and others preferring to merely socialize.  The party was well underway when I noticed an older gentleman, sitting alone, naked, on the couch. He was absent-mindedly stroking his cock and watching the goings-on with a sort of detached disinterest. I also noticed a void of a good five feet around him, an arc of emptiness. People were clearly avoiding him.I sauntered over and asked him, "Is this working for you?" He looked at my quizzically. "Well, you could sit on your couch at home and jerk off, if that's all you want to do. You must be here for some sort of social interaction," I offered. "I don't know if you've noticed but there aren't any people near you. I think you're making people uncomfortable." Then I gave him a bit of advice. "It might be a good idea to walk around a little bit, see what's going on in the other rooms. Perhaps you might even meet someone." He took my advice and, while he didn't exactly become the life of the party, at least there wasn't an empty, frozen zone around him. Anyway, back to my advice! The first order of business is to introduce yourself to someone. Preferably a few someones. The creepy guy is often the guy who doesn't know anybody. He heard about the party online or read about it in a magazine and showed up, eager to see what a sex party is all about and maybe get some. Well, slow down, fella. You probably aren't gonna get some. But you can make a few new acquaintances and perhaps put yourself in a good position to score at future event. At the very least, it will make the time go by faster.  It's a good idea to begin with your host or hostess, perhaps asking what the rules and limitations are. This can be done before you even arrive at the party. If you receive information about the event online, email the host or hostess and introduce yourself. Ask if there is anything specific you should know. Is there a dress code? Should you bring anything with you? Will there be a place to check your clothes? Often there are FAQs online, so be sure to read up on the event before you ask anything that may have already been addressed. You can also let the host know if this is your first sex party. It will help them help you to have a much better time.Once you've arrived, the host or hostess is in the best position to introduce you to other guests. They can also let you know what the policy is on alcohol, smoking, drugs and, most importantly, what he or she simply will not tolerate. Pay close attention. Besides being creepy, breaking the rules will definitely get you kicked out! If you're feeling brave, look for someone who appears comfortable with themselves and the environment. A veteran swinger can offer endless tips and share all sorts of valuable information. Start out by introducing yourself and admitting your inexperience. Most experienced players will be eager to share a kernel of wisdom or two.  Now, you could easily follow all these instructions and manage to alienate your fellow sexual adventurers. You also want make sure you aren't the irritating guy, either. Making conversation is a smart move, and event at a sex party, personal questions aren't completely off base. You should, however, still be tactful. You probably don't want to start off with, "So, are those real?" Most women can appreciate a compliment, but "Hey, nice ass!" won't endear you to anyone. Try something more subtle. Manners and respect will take you far. Once you feel comfortable, you can become more of a participant. The most important piece of advice is probably: don't ever assume that hot chick over there is just waiting for you to grab her ass. No one likes to be gratuitously groped. And that couple fucking on the couch probably isn't interested in having you and your wanking cock inches from their ears. Or listening to your heavy breathing. Or your running commentary. If you're a voyeur, stand at a respectable distance and watch, quietly. They aren't at a swing party for privacy. If they like the looks of you, perhaps they'll motion you over to join them. But never jump right in. If you should suddenly find yourself in the midst of actual sex, try to contain your excitement and behave yourself. Take things slowly. Ask permission, or wait for a nod of approval, before every move. Kisses and caresses work best when you're the new person.  If things escalate, you should definitely play safe. Bring condoms with you, just in case the party doesn't provide them. Any penetration at all should be done with protection, as should any genital contact. Surgical gloves and dental dams are always a good idea if you're having sex with strangers.Of course, you may see people who aren't using protection. Don't assume that it means they don't care about safety. It may be that they're a married couple. You and your hard on would be a new toy, so make sure it's shrink-wrapped! It should go without saying, but I'll say it anyway: Be clean and well-groomed. Smell nice. Comb your hair, brush your teeth, make sure your socks and your underwear are laundered and don't have holes or scary stains. Yeah, maybe no one will ever get to see your socks or your underwear, but what if they do? Nothing says careless slob like stained, ratty drawers. Ugh! And of course, be polite. Be empathetic. More than likely, everyone else is as nervous as you are, or almost. A party where people wind up walking around naked is definitely a recipe for anxiety. If you can be the person who made an ice-breaking joke, paid a much-needed compliment or soothed someone's frayed nerves, chances are you'll be well remembered and warmly welcomed at future events! Good luck!
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