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Yes, it's December and the holiday season is upon us. Wasn't it, you know, August just the other day? If you've procrastinated or been too busy to shop, here are a few suggestions for some sexy last minute shopping. BDSM B-Jeweled www.reallycoolartist.com  If you have a long list of fetishists to shop for, but you aren't sure about sizes, we'd like to suggest the suggestive jewelry from ReallyCoolArtist.com. We picked up a sterling silver corset charm on a sterling chain at Folsom Street Fair for only $20. Sterling prices range up to $45 for the Reclining Man ring. They also have a kneeling submissive, a stiletto-heeled shoe, an adorable little heart-shaped padlock and more. All the jewelry is available in 14 karat gold, too, if you're on an unlimited budget! Gold charms start at $75 and go up to $450 for the Reclining Man ring. These decorative little windows into your private life will be sure to start interesting conversations over the holiday party punch bowl.Bitchy Bah Humbug-wear www.tshirthell.com If you're one of the millions of Americans who don't belong to the "mandate," you might enjoy the politically incorrect merchandise on sale at TShirtHell.com. Their holiday special "Insensitive Shirt of the Month" is "God is giving us more DEAD SOLDIERS for Christmas!", but there are dozens of other similarly outrageous selections that are appropriate for the season, i.e. "Jesus did it for the chicks" or perhaps "Happy Fucking Whatever." Our favorite is "Stupidity causes cancer." Alas, we're afraid it causes much, much worse. There isn't one shirt here that won't result in the wearer receiving chilly stares or even an outright beating. They are THAT offensive!  For all you breeders, they offer a whole section of Baby Hell shirts, including "I enjoy a good spanking" and "Now that I'm safe, I'm pro choice." Of course, if reproduction isn't your thing, these make perfect gifts year-round for all those priggish parents feeling smug about being able to pull off impregnation. You'll be the star of the baby shower if you show up with "I shit my pants and all I got was this lousy t-shirt!" or "My IQ is higher than the president's."This web site is delightfully sick, with howlingly hilarious product descriptions, a photo gallery of buyers eager to show off their selections for the "I'm a T-Shirt Hell t-shirt wearing whore" contest and all sorts of silly promotional giveaways. The dude in charge, Gary Cohen, has been threatened with a law suit by the Mary Kate and Ashley for the "I fucked the Olsen twins before they were famous" shirt and we're sure everyone from the Anti Defamation League to the NRA has given him an earful - or email box full! At the very least, high school kids around the country have no doubt been sent home for wearing his wares. But anyone who shamelessly skewers everyone is all right with us! Oh, and lest we forget those of you on a budget, each of these 100% cotton protest signs for the First Amendment are only $18. Santa's S-Elf Pleasures www.babeland.com  Everyone loves great sex, but it's not an easy gift to give. The babes at Toys in Babeland have put together a few festive holiday packages for people who love to bestow pleasure. They range in price from $16 for the Sexy Stocking Stuffers (the Silver Bullet vibrator, a colorful Megastretch Cock Ring, Toys in Babeland condoms, a one-ounce bottle of lube and two AA batteries) to the $54 Naughty New Year (the Get Nasty card pack, Silver Slimline vibrator, Petal Ring vibrator, Little Flirt butt plug, Toys in Babeland condoms and a one-ounce bottle of lube).And for $4, you can order "Dead Batteries," four fully functioning AA batteries that will not only rev up your sex toy of choice, but offer a few chuckles as well. They're decorated with entertaining G-rated graphics, so they'd make perfect stocking stuffers for anyone who needs battery power. Keepin' It Clean toys.eros.com  Perhaps you believe buying someone a sex toy might be a bit too presumptuous. After all, who can guess what people enjoy in private? It opens a whole new Pandora's Box about one size not fitting all! So how about something for every sex toy owner instead? Before & After Adult Toy Cleaner will kill bacteria and provide a fresh-as-a-daisy scent to erotic implements. Spray on, wipe off, rinse and you're ready to go. Or come! Or merely store your sex toy away till next time. If you've ever felt that soap and water wasn't quite enough, or that rubbing alcohol just didn't seem right, this is the perfect sexessory for you. Er, for your lucky holiday gift recipient. At only $9.49 you can afford to give a bottle to all your friends.Pecker Lickin' Good! www.nawtythings.com  Everyone loves candy, so why not give the sweetest gift with an extra little erotic kick? The folks at NawtyThings.com offer all sorts of sexy edibles, from Chocoholics Body Frosting ($7.95) to their lemon sherbet Lust Dust ($5.95). All the silly stuff you see at sex shops and bachelorette parties, like Dick Tax ($2.95), Gummy Peckers ($3.95) and Giant Lollicock Suckers ($7.95) are on sale here. Everything to make your holiday party extra raunchy!Bedside Matter www.greenerypress.com  For the more literary gift giver, Greenery Press offers "books for the sexually adventurous." From Charles Gatewood's Photography for Perverts ($27.95) to Luna Grey's The Kinky Girl's Guide to Dating ($16.95), Jay Wiseman's SM 101: A Realistic Introduction ($24.95) to Midori's The Seductive Art of Japanese Rope Bondage ($27.95), they carry fiction, photography, informative how-tos and anthologies. These are books that everyone in the "sexual underground" should own.If these gifts don't do it for you, check out last year's Naughty Little Gift Guide for some products that still might be new to you!
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