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The AVN Awards
The show culminates with The AVN Awards, the "Academy Awards of Porn" made famous in Boogie Nights. The awards show, too, has morphed from a tacky parade of silicone to what is now an impressive, totally professional production. This year was probably the slickest yet. Even the infamous buffet was surprisingly edible! Hosted by deliciously dirty-mouthed comedienne Thea Vidale, the musical performances included rapper Chiggy and alt-band Lit. Smashmouth performed their hit (Hey You're an) All Star, which I expected them to change to "Porn Star," but alas, no such luck. Of course, all this should come as no surprise, as AVN itself has, over the past 20-plus years, grown from a Xeroxed zine to the industry's bible, and porn has gone more-or-less mainstream. If they sell any more tables to the awards, there won't be room for the bars or buffets. It was attended by about 3,000 people who just about filled the enormous ballroom. And while 10 years ago the fashions mostly resulted in a cringe fest, this year all the porn stars looked like they could've just as easily been attending The Golden Globes. There were fewer tacky purple velvet suits on the men-though they're all still sporting tans-in-a-can-and fewer hideous Fredericks of Hollywood-esque beaded gowns on the women. Everyone looked quite classy, as a matter of fact.
The awards ended a half-hour early, with Jenna Jameson taking away the lion's share. But when the more obscure awards-meaning anything other than those of the "Best Blowjob Scene" sort-scrolled on the jumbo screen, it was nice to see that even "Specialty: Spanking" winners went home with a slab of, um, engraved glass. The AEE Convention The convention, too, has exploded in recent years and it attracts celebrities as well. Motorhead's Lemmy is a perennial; I even partied with him last year at one of the after hour bashes. Gene Simmons strolled into the press room Saturday afternoon wanting to know was if there was free food available. He was directed to the snack bar for pre-packaged sandwiches and appeared not-too-pleased. But it's good to be Gene; he strutted through the crowd, entourage in tow, to shouts of "Hey, Gene! Let's see that tongue!"
There were the usual sex toy distributors and all the big movie makers. For the first time, shemales were represented with their very own booth. There was Clown Porn, Pirate Porn (our first item of business for review!) and Porn Star Pets, a documentary about, yes, porn stars and their pets (check back in future issues for our take on this one!). There were stuffed animals with secret pouches for sex toys, chocolates to "inspire" a woman's libido and a company that makes life-sized torso piñatas called Porñatas. Sure beats the same ol' plastic vibrators! I got my picture taken with Jenna, who seemed to appreciate my boobs, and that made my trip complete. I rarely bother with the whole starry-eyed fan thing. Usually I prefer to just take in the scene, but given how packed the place was, it made sense to have a mission, execute a plan of attack and get the hell outta there! Even after escaping, I didn't have any time to gamble. It was work, work, work, with a few minutes to eat and nap when it became absolutely necessary! Parties
Thursday night, the Danni's Hard Drive bash (featuring, of course, the fabulous Danni Ashe) at Mandalay Bay's saucy new burlesque club Forty Deuce was worth the trip. An open bar, hipster band and sexy strippers onstage made the intimate space the evening's hottest destination. Unfortunately, this soiree was winding down way too early for me! From there, I had two different events with "Player" in the name to choose from, neither of which sounded too palatable. One was a pimp and ho, rap and hip-hop party; the other was a swinger's bash which a half-hour from the strip, requiring a limo shuttle that I simply couldn't find. So instead I trundled to The Hard Rock for the Pure Play Media party and wound up in a massive line unable to get in, along with the president of the company, who had Seymour Butts in tow. It was frustrating as hell, but there were so many of us left out we managed to enjoy ourselves at the bar. I bumbled back to my hotel room, drunk, at about 4am.
Last year on my third night, while hanging out at The Venetian's Circle Bar, AVN editor Tim Connelly and I talked about throwing a rock party, something truly enjoyable. Over the months, he got too busy and so did I. But spurred on by a former NYC promoter who had moved to Vegas, I wound up throwing together a Mondo Porno in just weeks. Erocktica flew in from New York, Coyote Shivers's band drove up from LA and Vegas punk rockers The Pervz added their local flavor. Korby, my girl on the ground there, booked us into the glamorous Coney Island Ballroom at the oh-so-swanky Boardwalk Casino and Hotel, which, as I understand it, will be bulldozed by next year, joining all the other "old school" casinos in the rubble pile as they make way for more monster hotels. To be honest, I was scared shitless that Korby and I would be alone in that ballroom, watching the bands by ourselves. But between the enthusiastic locals, hungry for some less-Vegas-y entertainment, and those in town for the show who'd had it with waiting in lines and not getting into other parties, the place was pretty packed.
It may sound self-serving, but I had the most fun in Vegas at Mondo Porno. One local thanked me for throwing a party "that felt like it was a somebody's house." Well, if you have rock bands at your house, I suppose. Amelia G called it the most fun party of the week. And judging by how tough it was to get into other events, it could quite possibly have been the only party some of those people made it into. Next year, bigger and better! All in all, the 72 hours I spent in Vegas were action and porn-packed. For more details on this year's festivities, check out Alexia O'Neil's coverage as well!
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