Are you as shocked as I am? Who could've ever seen this coming??? OK, so even Miss Cleo probably had this entry in her never-released "tell-all celebrity predictions" book (along with "Dennis Rodman's Popularity Eventually Rivals Olive Loaf" and "Michael Jackson Morphs into Janet"). But honestly, this lawsuit wasn't quite the lawsuit we were all expecting. It turns out several photographs of a former girlfriend of Gene's was shown in a VH1 rockumentary depicting Gene as the hot gigolo that he thinks he is (*cough*).
Georgeann Walsh Ward, 53, of Chester, NY says in court papers that because a photo of her with Simmons appeared during commentary about his super-studliness with women, she was in effect portrayed as "wild" and "unchaste." She apparently dated him during his 6th Grade teaching days, prior to the whole KISS phenomenon, so she allegedly missed that "wild" and "unchaste" boat.
Gene Simmons is still unavailable for comment. He's probably too busy being wild and unchaste.
Drive-by Wankings
Some gangs are cute and have members like Spanky and Alfalfa. Some are scary and more heavily armed than Charlton Heston. And some like to chase down women in mini skirts and whip out their wangs. Yup, it's those crazy kids in Limpopo, Tzaneen. Instead of typical male youth antics such as "riding the greased pig" or perhaps even a good keg stand, these guys like to follow cute girls around the mall yelling, and I quote "Your legs are sexy" while jerking the jerky, as it were. When 24-year-old Gloria Shingange tried to complain to the police about public indecency, they laughed and told her no harm, no foul.
Worse yet, local veggie vendor Mthavini Khoza said, "These boys are doing the right thing because their actions are likely to reduce the tendencies of wearing 3cm (sic) skirts in public and embarrass every woman," she said. "I wish they rape them one day so they may start respecting their bodies."
The lesson here is "don't move to Limpopo." Or if you have to, at the very least, don't buy any vegetables from Mthavini. What a wanker.
Panty Peeping in Japan
If you hadn't noticed that Japan seems to have an obsession with school girls, than you've never seen japanimation. It turns out that a new trend of getting sneaky snapshots up schoolgirl skirts has reached new heights…so much so that the technology for these panty peeps has invented new shoes. These shoes can be fitted with cameras so that all you need to do to take a photo of a girl is to stand behind her and shoot. Lust. Where would technology be without it?
Pornogrification
It would seem that porn is trying to infiltrate sneakily into our everyday society. Take the fact that a Welsh town's conservative party website was bought by pornographers. The site once advertised the events of this Conservative association, featured news about area councilors and offered useful contact numbers. Now users of this site can instead view naughty hardcore movies of all sorts with bare naked ladies. And while some would consider this a vast improvement, there are some pretty peeved right-wing Welsh out there right now.
Also in the news of Knoxsville, TN, a local family video store was somehow listed in their local yellow-pages as a XXX 24-7 video and lingerie store filled with tons of non-family-friendly novelties and films. "It said we're open 24-hours a day seven days a week. It said we had over 15,000 adult movies, novelties, and lingerie, and I was completely overwhelmed," says Amy Garland, owner of Showtime Video in Aloca.
At first, she laughed about it. But when the calls starting coming requesting, The Butt Avengers of Uranus and so forth, Garland began to rethink that position.
Tsunami Relief, German Brothel Does Their Part
Starbucks isn't the only place where you can donate $5 towards the Asian Tsunami Relief effort.
"It's not every day you can make a charitable gesture by going to a brothel," said Mercedes Mueller, owner of the Happy FKK Club in Dortmund. "It's so terrible what happened there and I wanted to do something."
That's why Mercedes is donating over $6 of each $51 entrance fee from her clients. Prostitutes and clients alike are still happy to donate. About 1,300 euros have been raised so far.