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Teagan Presley: Photo spread and interview with one of Digital Playground's hottest starlets. More»
1-18-2025


In the interest of total disclosure, I have to admit that I have a pirate fetish. I own a custom made pirate coat, wench corset and an amazing tri-corner hat with numerous feathers, and I do so love to say Aaargh! Thus it was with a great deal of enthusiasm that I popped the "maiden voyage" of these three Profane Pirate (www.profanepirate.com) releases into my DVD player. After years of fast-forwarding through porn, it takes a lot to impress me. But these Gen-Yers made me smile. And soggy.


My initial thought was, "This is what it would look like if my friends made porn!" They've got cool stuff on their walls, they wear the same clothes that are hanging in my closet and director/on-screen talent Benny Profane screws in some amusing T-shirts. Glimpses of cameramen can be seen at the edges of the screen, giving it an amateur flavor that not only makes it look like it could be your friends fucking on camera (if your friends happen to be tattooed goth types), but it makes it hotter.

Volume 1


Everyone seems so new! Just like in all those series that purport to be breaking new talent, except here it looks, well, real. And definitely sincere. Plus, not one pair of fake boobs! Just real titties, whether they're temptingly small or deliciously large. Oh man, the tattoos! And the piercings. These are real-deal alternababes, so you fans of Blue Blood and Sick Chixxx will be pleasantly surprised and pleasingly aroused. Benny knows how to take care of his ladies, too, with polite additions like pillows and cushions for their heads when they find themselves in less-than-comfortable

Volume 2
positions.

They've obviously all watched plenty of regular porn, cause they've got the five-scene, suck-lick-screw shtick down pretty pat. But that's where the resemblance ends. I'm tempted to call this stuff "Hot Topic Porn," since the clothes are all modern day interpretations of classic punk/goth/fetish ensembles that most high school kids can pick up at the mall. There are striped tights and plaid miniskirts, corsets and one particularly hot pair of thigh-high black patent leather boots instead of string bikinis and tight, tacky dresses.

Why watch one more inflated-tit, fake-tan Valley bimbo wearing five-inch platforms get fucked when you can watch a hot tattooed babe with alabaster skin and real boobs wearing ripped fishnets and black combat boots get fucked instead? These edgy chicks range from a Dita-esque beauty named Dahlia to Missy Misfit, a total schoolgirl-type hottie in glasses

Volume 3
and the aforementioned combat boots. There are slender sexpots such as Zoe Matthews and fleshier lasses like the lovely Zenova Braeden. They're all sporting sick makeup and sicker footgear, my personal favorite being Sexy Lexi's red patent leather Doc Martens and tube socks combo, another one of my fetishes.

In Psychocandy Volume 1, the high points are "Blackbeard" screwing a saucy wench in a powdered wig and LiLi Anne masturbating with a Hello Kitty vibrator. In Volume 2, Nicole and Jonathan are hookah smoking pornsters, she in a Wednesday Addams dress and he with a spiky mohawk. When Sexy Lexi and Benny are paired up, they have three genital piercings between them. He spews an impressive load onto her tattooed back. And in Volume 3, Schno is Master to Dahlia's submissive. He pulls her hair and

Volume 3
does some serious anal plundering, but her squeals are what will get you off. She is clearly into it and when she looks up at the camera, you'll be spraying all over your screen! Zoe and Benny "cook" in the kitchen and he unloads his cum shot into his own birthday cake batter. Yum! In every scene, there's something twisted and something hilarious, whether it's a talking stuffed bear, excellent fetish gear or just plain hot sex between actual real-life couples. It doesn't hurt that I met these smutmeisters in Las Vegas and they're very nice. Plus, they obviously enjoy what they're doing, which is what makes for the best porn. Huzzah!

Psychocandy - by Abby Ehmann Top of the Guide

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